You are not a victim in court. You are not powerless. It is far too easy to see yourself at the mercy of your ex, the court and the rest of the cloud of people you will come into contact with when you wish to change a situation you are not happy with.
I don’t blame you though.
Because when you become involved the Family Court you will make a huge chorus that say you are doomed. They could include:
- The ex’s solicitor. He or she (paid handsomely by the ex) will tell you stuff that would make any right-minded person throw the towel in before the first metaphorical shot is fired. Why do you think he or she does that?
- Friends, family and people you have never met from social media. A huge club who combine ignorance of the facts, ignorance of the law and personal agendas. It’ll include the bloke who told the judge like it is – the one who is as mad as hell and isn’t going to take it any more…and has no contact.
- Some of the court staff. Be it the CAFCASS officer who tells you that contact only really works if the parent who has the child agrees to it. Or his/her counterpart in Social Services saying the same thing (who may tell you that absolutely positively have no choice but to sign that Section 20 if you are mired in a public law case).
- Organisations pushing an agenda about bias and incompetence in the system. I’m not going to make a judgement about that one. But again – listen to that sort of thing and you’ll end up feeling like a long walk off a short pier sounds mighty attractive.
It’s enough you to want to go and join the French Foreign Legion or something isn’t it?
You have more power in court that you think
That applies even if no one in the courtroom apparently likes you. Even if the judge has seemingly decided he/she doesn’t like the look of your face the moment you walk in. Even if you have been threatened with a £20,000 costs order, no contact with the kids ever and a day in the stocks on the village green while you wear the latest in fermented tomatoes on your face.
Court – things that can only ever help
Despite all the relentless negativity so far (you’re still reading?) there are some absolute pearls of wisdom that will help you no matter who or where you are, what the situation is or how seemingly hopeless it all seems.
If I were going to get all `Gunnery Sergeant Hartman’ on you at this point I would point out that there are no exceptions here. These points are by and large common sense…and again – we get it. That’s part of the reason we do the job we do – to help you focus when things are hard – many McKenzie Friends ended up doing the job after personal experience of this all.
So what are these pieces of enlightenment? Here goes:
Cast iron habits to help you in court
- Don’t give up. I know, I know, I know. But consider this. You have a 100% chance of getting nowhere if you walk away. There aren’t many guarantees in court but this is one of them. You may say you have no chance if you don’t give up…but I’ll also guarantee you it’s less than 100%. Only you decide if you give up – no one else at all. Own it!
- Sell the solution. The court will take the easy option. If that means you walking away…that’s marked as a success (because you have obviously come to an amicable arrangement with your ex…obviously). If it means ordering no contact because you got yourself a non molestation order, a caution or a PIN or whatever because you `kicked off’ at the wrong time in the wrong place…that’s marked as a success. Remember kids – even indirect contact is considered a success!
- Focus. At the start ask yourself this: `What do I want out of this case?’ If it is anything other than building a relationship with your kids you’re probably not going to have much fun or luck. Because that is the only topic for the court arena. Don’t get distracted either – keep your eye on the ball. Don’t concentrate on the ex’s 493 ridiculous, fictitious and painful allegations. If the court wants to entertain them, they’ll order a Finding of Fact.
- Be whiter than white. If the ex has dirt on you, it’s a fair bet it’ll be discussed in court to justify denying you contact (because it beats him/her saying `Yes – I did deny contact without legal basis. I’m doing it to punish you’. Don’t give your ex ammunition or justification for his or hers actions – which could be backed up with screen prints of your abusive messages, police reports of your arrest or witness statement of the nice old lady next door who saw and heard you shouting threats through the letter box while demanding to see the kids.
Court – it’s up to you
It’s more than practical stuff too. A positive mindset will help immensely. It’s hard enough as it is without you shooting yourself in the foot from the outset.
Stay calm and carry on, chaps.