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In our experience the professionals who help people don’t often bother asking them what it is they need or what could be done to help them as much as possible. It’s too easy for the likes of us and our learn’d friends to sit here in our ivory towers (we wish) and tell people what we think they need to know rather than giving them the help they are asking for.

Enter our prize draw and you could win £50!Assisting people in the Family Courts is our passion. As well as our day job, it’s also what we do in our spare time. You’ll find us online giving support on various forums, attending meetings to help litigants and soon we’ll be running a free workshop for them too.

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£50 to the winner of our prize draw!We want to make it as easy as possible for people to attend. To be as convenient as possible. As useful as possible. It’s fair to say we’re pretty results-driven here at Family Law Assistance!

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Court - nothing like Game of Thrones

4 things that never happen in court

In some court some thing never happen…

…but you’re in your own little world. It’s 3am. You’re snuggled up in bed after a particularly hard day and along with the dreams about fabulous wealth, world domination and other things we’re much too polite to discuss here at Family Law Assistance Towers. Before long your subconsciousness gives you nudge in the direction of the legal process you find yourself in…

4 things that (may) happen in your dreams but almost certainly won’t happen in court.

Your 30 minute 10am hearing finishes 10.30am

Court - nothing like Game of ThronesYou get to the court, having parked just outside in glorious sunshine just a few steps from the front door. Even better, it’s free! You don’t need to take a book, avail yourself of the wonderful coffee (it is a dream, remember!) and you have a lovely chat with the smiling and helpful court staff who welcome you like an old friend as you enter through the doors…

You get the ex’s solicitor to admit their client is a dick

A king (or queen) among men (or women), your ex’s legal representative greets you with a cheery smile and wave, telling you how nice it is to see you. How much weight you have lost. How much they love your outfit. They’re almost apologetic that you’ve taken time from your busy schedule to be in court instead of where ever you would rather be.

After this, they lean forward and tell you conspiratorially that while their client, your ex, has refused to agree to anything they can only express their sincere apologies because your ex is an unintelligent, selfish liar that they despise intensely.

During cross the examination the ex, the judge, CAFCASS or social worker admits it’s all their fault and/or a huge conspiracy against you.

Rumpole has nothing on you! It’s like knocking down skittles today isn’t it? Your questions are incisive, intelligent and utterly logical. The tissue of lies in front of you falls away like, erm, tissue. Stunned by your cross examination the poor sap on the stand is forced to admit their many character faults and incriminates themselves further whilst reeling from your verbal assault. Even the judge is open mouthed in shock and blurts out `You should be a barrister!’

You are going to remember this day for many, many years. And so will you. Chances are it’s going to bring down the whole rotten system. You’re going to end up on Love Island. Newsnight and before a House of Commons Select Committee to assist in reforming the whole Family Law system.

The court tells your ex it is entirely their fault and that you are as pure as the driven snow.

The Family Court isn't the criminal courtBut before that the court is going to rip your ex a new one. If the judge had a gavel he or she would most certainly be banging it to keep the assembled crowd that should be watching proceedings to keep quiet. When silence and decorum are restored he’d likely put on his/her black cap to pronounce his/her sentence of death read out the judgement.

Your ex stands in the dock, their head bowed in shame before they are put in stocks to have rotten tomatoes thrown at them. If you’re a Game of Thrones fan they’d be walking through Kings Landing with a nun walking behind them intoning `Shame!’ and ringing a bell from time to time.

Courts don’t work like this

See, we’re big on focus here. None of the above is realistic is it? If you’re out to crusade, punish or control a case you are a hiding to nothing. It doesn’t matter how strong, intelligent, tough or determined you are.

The courts are designed to work with awkward people. If that’s the box you get put in, you will lose.

Of course, you’ll meet the guy who never played the court’s game…and has no contact. Or the woman who was stitched up…but is almost certainly not telling you the whole story. Or the lucky beggar who was before a judge who woke up in a particularly good mood, liked the look of his/her face and decided to thrown caution to the wind.

But don’t rely on anything other than hard work. I’d say Hope for the best and plan for the worst’ but even that isn’t exactly decent advice. It’s less snappy to say `Plan for the worst and do everything you can to get the right result’ but it’s probably more accurate – because hoping implies you are powerless and as we’ve said before, that is far from the truth.

Good luck. Be strong, be determined, but be realistic.

Court - it is seldom over until you give up

How to defeat your worst enemy in court

It is easy to defeat your worst enemy in court.

They are the one person who can make you give up. They’ll make you look like an idiot. They’ll second guess you and make you look like a fool. Finally they will completely blow any chance of getting anything like the result you would like.

You already know who this person is. Because you see them every time you look in a mirror. Yes folks…it’s you.

You are your own worst enemy in court

Court - it is seldom over until you give upI don’t want to come over all…metaphysical here. You are responsible for your actions. No one else. Yes, yes, yes. I can hear the protests now. You’re discriminated against. Your ex has made allegations that make you look like Vlad the Impaler’s less pleasant brother or sister. The court is a huge money-making conspiracy out to grind you into the dirt. I’m blaming you for the situation you are in. You were left with no option.

Not true.

You decide what to say. You decide what to do. You decide to give up. Or not. No one else. This is stunningly good news. It means you are are in far more control than you ever, ever managed.

It means you are in control ultimately.

If you decide to walk away it’s because you have chosen to. The same goes if you have given your ex, the CAFCASS officer, the judge or the security guard who scans you for metal objects your considered opinion. A 91(14) doesn’t have to stop you. Neither does a final order. Or bad behaviour in the past – if you have addressed it.

If you ex has painted you as an aggressive nutter and you kick off in court you have proven their point. If you walk away and you think that is what the ex wants, they have `won’ (at this point the more high-minded among you will put your hands together in supplication, gaze heavenward and utter softly that it is not about winning or losing…it’s about the kids. You know what I mean).

The court won’t say `He/she walked away because he/she had no choice’. It won’t even give the matter any consideration. It will close the case, probably give your ex everything they want or decide you were happy with things as they are.

So if you aren’t happy with it why are you walking away?

Walk away from court and guarantee your failure.

Court - where there is life, there is hopeWe know how hard it is. Even if you take the attitude you have a 99% of chance of not getting the outcome you want you have a 100% chance of the same outcome by giving up.

But back to the positivity for a change.

There’s a wider point here isn’t there? You’re doing what you’re doing because you believe it is in the best interests of your children. And that being the case walking away most definitely isn’t.

Maybe when it is all over you won’t get the result you set out. Maybe you’ll get one you can live with, maybe you’ll get one you can’t, maybe you’ll get one that will keep you up for nights in years to come.

But if you don’t give up, you’ll be able to look yourself in the eye in that mirror and be able to say to yourself (and anyone else who will listen) `I did my best and I didn’t give up. I did what I did for the best reasons’.

No one can give that to you or take it from you can they?

Wise monkeys - abuse allegations are a serious business

What is abuse?

Abuse allegations are extremely common in the Family Court.

But what is `abuse’? It’s a good question but the answer isn’t a simple one. It depends on your viewpoint, context and the situation you’re facing. For some people the identity of who is doing what changes things too.

In many ways it is a deeply subjective matter. However:

Allegations of abuse are common in the Family Court

You’ll probably know this already if you have been a party in a case. In terms of Children Act proceedings courts are obliged to investigate allegations of abuse – the best interests of the child being paramount. And it’s a fair point: If you were a judge do you fear more being criticised for delaying things to investigate allegations…or being effectively responsible for effectively allowing severe abuse of a child (or even adult) to take place.

Allegations are also common when it comes to finance hearings (under the Matrimonial Causes Act) despite behaviour rarely being a factor that affects a court-determined outcome. Section 25 (which lists factors the court considers) states:

the conduct of each of the parties, if that conduct is such that it would in the opinion of the court be inequitable to disregard it;

…in other words – only in extreme circumstances. The landmark case is

And finally when it comes to divorce itself if the grounds used are unreasonable behaviour (by the far most common one) abuse is covered by the words

that the respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent;

Abuse allegations - legal finger pointing?The point here is that among the legitimate reasons to mention abuse (such as they actually happened) there are clear tactical advantages to make allegations.

I want to point out that for victims who have experienced domestic abuse this can be a very traumatic time. You probably have just found your voice for the first time and want to keep you and your children safe.

Whether they are true or not is an entirely different discussion (and what Finding of Facts are for) but they very often impact how a case plays out in the arenas mentioned above. Even in areas of law where they rarely count as a factor it is innate human nature to magnify and elaborate on any dissent because it is purely human nature to believe that inappropriate behaviour should be punished in some way.

Why are abuse allegations common?

If you asked the more cynical among us they’d likely say it to be a low risk, high potential gain strategy: There is almost never penalty if allegations are comprehensively proven to be false. It may sway a court. It may help obtain a Legal Aid-funded solicitor and/or barrister. It’ll delay proceedings in a child contact case. It’ll provide moral justification for preventing contact. It’ll help fire with fire. And so on…

From the opposite perspective? It’s because abuse is so common. Because abuse is much more common when relationships end. Because abusers allege abuser to attempt to control their victim. Because it muddies the waters when working out who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. Because it is revenge.

What does the court think of abuse allegations?

Once again, put yourself in the shoes of the judge. Almost every case you hear involves allegations of abuse. You understand the whole human nature thing. You’re dealing with people who are upset, angry and doing everything to make sure they get the majority of the money/kids/sympathy/whatever. In many situations you’ll think it has no bearing; but you have to investigate it if it comes to kids.

You may ignore the allegations entirely. You may ask the accused man/woman their side of things. You may, if you consider there is any mileage in the allegations to order a Finding of Fact (or consider it a relevant factor when it comes to finance or divorce).

How to react when you are accused of abuse?

In a word: Don’t.

Wise monkeys - abuse allegations are a serious business

Other than to say I refute the `allegations’ (we’ve been here before) if you believe them to be false there is nothing more to say on the factor. The court is there to decide if they are true or a factor in the matter before it – you’re not. And this follows the same broad `Innocent until proven guilty’ principle. Furiously denying everything at every point while understandable will make you lose your focus at the same time it makes you look…dodgy.

Being in the court process can be painful. Facing allegations of abuse are common and you should take some comfort that many others in a court case also face allegations they find hurtful and insulting. It needs to be understood that courts see them day in and day out too – and they seldom have any long term impact on the outcome of what is happening.

As always…stay focused.

A non molestation order can land you in jail

Elvis and Non Molestation Orders

…it does something to you, working as a McKenzie Friend.

A non molestation order can land you in jailWhilst listening to music a few days back I was shocked to listen to the admission of poor behaviour by a certain gentleman from Mississippi in the form of song.

Consider this an academic exercise to help his ex partner who was faced with a situation she found unbearable!

You would have to have a wooden heart not to appreciate this…sorry.

Elvis gets a non molestation order

4 more myths about the Family Courts

Myths. In our experience people tend to believe a lot of things that aren’t true, don’t help them and costs them time and money. It’s all part of the warp and weft of being a litigant in person.

Myths may be great stories but they won't help you in courtOf course, if you have a solicitor you should avoid these problems. As they know the law (hopefully) they will tell you what is possible, what isn’t and how what you want fits in with how the law and the way the actual day to day stuff works.

As a litigant in person you don’t have this luxury however.

If you’re not using one of our stunningly talented, good looking and charismatic team members it’s down to you to read, learn and understand. The law isn’t written for you to understand. It’s written for our learn’d friends with legal qualifications, apprenticeships and time spent as a trainee.

There are many, many things to misunderstand in the legal system. Lots apparently small and insignificant stuff that can change the entire complexion and trajectory of what happens.

Another 4 myths  worth remembering…

No. 1 – Changing the names of children by deed poll doesn’t count for much.

Sorry. If you’ve spent a few hundred on one for your child in the hope you can change your mind…you’ve been done. At this point I’ll usually be told (by someone who has wasted their money on a deed poll that they aren’t a waste of paper, ink and gold lettering). It’s worth remembering surnames are considered by the court to be more important than the first name however.

Think about it for a moment. The Children Act says:

(1)Where a [child arrangements order to which subsection (4) applies] is in force with respect to a child, no person may—

(a)cause the child to be known by a new surname;

…because a piece of paper that hasn’t been issued by the court doesn’t count.

And neither does any number of schools, doctors, dentists or whoever that will happily accept it – they don’t know the law. Simple as that.

If you have a deed poll for your kid is it of any use at all?

Partially. So you already have a deedpoll with the name of your choice. When it comes to getting a passport with this name you’ll need to send the deedpoll and a letter from everyone else who has PR saying they agree with this to the Passport Agency and it’ll all be good.

If you want to a change a name otherwise you’ll need either the agreement of everyone else with PR or a court order (a C100 for a Specific Issues Order).

There’s no other way round it.

No. 2 – Money and contact are linked.

One of the myths is that money and contact are linkedOh no they’re not! Kids are not pay per view. We’ve heard people linking money and contact repeatedly but that’s a sure fire way of making yourself look…bad `You can see the kids when you pay me!’ isn’t exactly a child-focused thing to say.

Contact is either in the best interests of the child or it isn’t. Contributing towards the financial support of a child is (somewhat unsurprisingly) always seen as a good thing. Which is why a primary carer who refuses to accept money from the other parent, refuses to hand bank account details, etc. isn’t acting in the best interests.

It’s the whole reason there agencies to handle maintenance to replace the court hearings that used to deal with it.

Of course, it doesn’t stop people doing all of the above or shouting about it in court.

It’s a scenario many people are familiar with – blackening the character of the other party in court. It is argued that a parent who doesn’t contribute or refuses to accept cash from the other parent is just showing another way they’re not thinking of the children.

It’s not unheard of by a court to be interested in this and to sometimes draw inferences, but to be blunt…they shouldn’t.

No 3 – It can all be sorted out in the first hearing.

OK, you got me. It can be. It is entirely possible to get to a hearing and for an agreement to be made that resolves the entire issue, the court agreeing that this can happen.

But I am guessing it is unlikely to happen.

What is more typical is that a primary carer will stick to their guns and offer no contact at all or at most in a contact centre. If there is no agreement the court will most likely say it cannot make an order without this – it can…but it won’t and you aren’t going to convince them.

So manage your expectations, do your homework and work on everything you can to make sure you are fully prepared for things further down the line.

No.4 – It’s a good thing if your ex doesn’t have a solicitor.

…or if you can get his/her solicitor removed if they are funded by Legal Aid.

In most cases we’d say `No it isn’t’.

Because while it is undoubtedly true that your ex’s solicitor represents their position it is also a fact that he/she really, really doesn’t want to say to a judge something like `Yes – my client is denying contact, has no child-focused reason to do so and is doing it merely to punish their ex partner‘ – defending the indefensible is never much fun. A good solicitor will advise their client when they are doing something that isn’t going to help their case and often lean on them to be more reasonable (OK…appear to be more reasonable). Pay close attention while you are in court and you may sometimes hear a barrister or solicitor being very pointed with a client suggesting in the nicest possible way that they’re about to be torn off a strip in court. Sometimes there is…shouting. I’ve heard it.

Now imagine your ex, alone.

He/she will agree to nothing. Will make allegations at random intervals…which will hold up any progression while they are dealt with. Will slow things down by producing irrelevant and confusing information.

In short, stuff you’d never hear about if your ex had assistance. I’m not saying your ex’s solicitor is your best friend – it’s fairer to consider them a double edged sword where you are concerned. Your first question should be `Would my ex having a solicitor cause me more help than harm?’ Sometimes the question is harder to answer than you think.

Myths can damage your case

A final piece of advice is this: Don’t go alone.

Use a McKenzie Friend. Or a solicitor. Either way…learn. Because no one cares about your case as much as you do. You get to live with the consquences of your actions – no one else does.

Court and pearls of wisdom

4 ways to improve your chances in court

You are not a victim in court. You are not powerless. It is far too easy to see yourself at the mercy of your ex, the court and the rest of the cloud of people you will come into contact with when you wish to change a situation you are not happy with.

I don’t blame you though.

Because when you become involved the Family Court you will make a huge chorus that say you are doomed. They could include:

  1. The ex’s solicitor. He or she (paid handsomely by the ex) will tell you stuff that would make any right-minded person throw the towel in before the first metaphorical shot is fired. Why do you think he or she does that?
  2. Friends, family and people you have never met from social media. A huge club who combine ignorance of the facts, ignorance of the law and personal agendas. It’ll include the bloke who told the judge like it is – the one who is as mad as hell and isn’t going to take it any more…and has no contact.
  3. Some of the court staff. Be it the CAFCASS officer who tells you that contact only really works if the parent who has the child agrees to it. Or his/her counterpart in Social Services saying the same thing (who may tell you that absolutely positively have no choice but to sign that Section 20 if you are mired in a public law case).
  4. Organisations pushing an agenda about bias and incompetence in the system. I’m not going to make a judgement about that one. But again – listen to that sort of thing and you’ll end up feeling like a long walk off a short pier sounds mighty attractive.

It’s enough you to want to go and join the French Foreign Legion or something isn’t it?

You have more power in court that you think

Court and pearls of wisdomThat applies even if no one in the courtroom apparently likes you. Even if the judge has seemingly decided he/she doesn’t like the look of your face the moment you walk in. Even if you have been threatened with a £20,000 costs order, no contact with the kids ever and a day in the stocks on the village green while you wear the latest in fermented tomatoes on your face.

Court – things that can only ever help

Despite all the relentless negativity so far (you’re still reading?) there are some absolute pearls of wisdom that will help you no matter who or where you are, what the situation is or how seemingly hopeless it all seems.

If I were going to get all `Gunnery Sergeant Hartman’ on you at this point I would point out that there are no exceptions here. These points are by and large common sense…and again – we get it. That’s part of the reason we do the job we do – to help you focus when things are hard – many McKenzie Friends ended up doing the job after personal experience of this all.

So what are these pieces of enlightenment? Here goes:

Cast iron habits to help you in court

  1. Don’t give up. I know, I know, I know. But consider this. You have a 100% chance of getting nowhere if you walk away. There aren’t many guarantees in court but this is one of them. You may say you have no chance if you don’t give up…but I’ll also guarantee you it’s less than 100%. Only you decide if you give up – no one else at all. Own it!
  2. Sell the solution. The court will take the easy option. If that means you walking away…that’s marked as a success (because you have obviously come to an amicable arrangement with your ex…obviously). If it means ordering no contact because you got yourself a non molestation order, a caution or a PIN or whatever because you `kicked off’ at the wrong time in the wrong place…that’s marked as a success. Remember kids – even indirect contact is considered a success!
  3. Focus. At the start ask yourself this: `What do I want out of this case?’ If it is anything other than building a relationship with your kids you’re probably not going to have much fun or luck. Because that is the only topic for the court arena. Don’t get distracted either – keep your eye on the ball. Don’t concentrate on the ex’s 493 ridiculous, fictitious and painful allegations. If the court wants to entertain them, they’ll order a Finding of Fact.
  4. The court does expect you to be an angel but...Be whiter than white. If the ex has dirt on you, it’s a fair bet it’ll be discussed in court to justify denying you contact (because it beats him/her saying `Yes – I did deny contact without legal basis. I’m doing it to punish you’. Don’t give your ex ammunition or justification for his or hers actions – which could be backed up with screen prints of your abusive messages, police reports of your arrest or witness statement of the nice old lady next door who saw and heard you shouting threats through the letter box while demanding to see the kids.

Court – it’s up to you

It’s more than practical stuff too. A positive mindset will help immensely. It’s hard enough as it is without you shooting yourself in the foot from the outset.

Stay calm and carry on, chaps.

LTR - the nuclear option

Stopping the ex moving abroad with the kids (LTR)

It’s just about every parent’s nightmare. Leave to Remove (LTR). You’ve split with your children’s other parent. You’ve done your best to stay in their lives. You’ve jumped hurdle after hurdle put in your way. You’ve probably gone to court to get a court order. It’s cost you time, money and heartache already. You are hoping to rebuild your life, to spend time with the kids and look forward to happier time.

And the ex then announces they are moving abroad. Possibly France, possibly another continent. Possibly the other side of the planet. Or maybe you hear it from someone else.

Face this it’s reasonable to feel like the bottom has dropped out of your world.

Because it’s a game changer isn’t it? It’s one thing to be restricted in when the kids see you…but if you need a plane flight and a passport to see them that’s an entirely different ball game.

Of all the times that you need your game head, this is it.

Now of course it is possible to get kids back from a foreign country – especially if they are Hague Convention ones. Right? Well…look at it like this. You know how difficult it is as a litigant in person in the Family Court in this country?

Imagine doing it again in a different language, using laws you are unaware of, that may give ex priority (for example…if they are a national of the country they are now in). and you paying the equivalent for the cost of a holiday for each hearing until the case is over and your lawyer if you have one.

Leave to Remove (LTR) – the nuclear option

Leave to Remove - the nuclear optionAs a non resident parent you are on the back foot already even at the best of times. Once your ex has gone…well…a contact dispute in this country will look like a walk in the park and you’ll soon end up with fond memories of the `good old days’ when you weren’t flying to hearings.

For this reason it’s a different proposition. If you seriously think your ex is going to remove your children from England & Wales you need to consider carefully on balance whether you would rather fight a court fight here…or elsewhere. In an age where you have around a 50% chance of stopping a removal it is quite possible you have little to lose.

There are various outcomes in this scenario:

  1. Your ex is planning to remove your children and you do nothing – your children go.
  2. Your ex is planning to remove your children and you make an application – you have a 50% chance of stopping it.
  3. Your ex isn’t going to remove the children and you do nothing – good result.
  4. Your ex isn’t going to remove the children and you make an application – you damage the relationship with your ex.

Moral of this story? If you have serious concerns you absolutely should make that application. If not, step away from the big red button.

How to deal with a Leave to Remove Case (LTR)

The correct answers are `quickly’ and`decisively’. Don’t push this metaphorical big red button unless you are fairly sure your children will be removed if you do nothing.  If you are…push it without a moment’s hesitation.

The practical stuff?

Leave to Remove  - handle with careYou’ll need a C67. Or a C100. Depending on the circumstances and what you wish to achieve exactly and your particular circumstances – because there is more than one way to skin a cat. You’ll need to submit a position statement too in all likelihood (almost certainly if we’re by your side).

It’ll be an emergency ex parte hearing and should the court see things your way you’ll likely be back very, very soon (we’ve know it to be the next day in the cases we have assisted in).

You won’t be visiting you friendly local court either…it’ll be a day trip to London unfortunately to the Royal Courts of Justice on the Strand.

and where you’ll quite possibly end up before a High Court Judge. Which should kind of give you an inkling of how serious this sort of thing is treated.

This whole post can be boiled down very succinctly. Don’t make this sort of application unless you are fairly certain there is a definite risk your children will be removed; if there is…get on with it. Don’t hesitate.

And the moral of this story is simple. Do your research. Communicate with your ex as much as possible. Simple misunderstandings can be blown out of all proportion. For the want of transparency you can be mired in a court case that only causes trouble.

Money makes the world go around

If you divorce, you need an order when it comes to money. Until that point you are tied financially to your ex – your assets and liabilities will be theirs.

Michaela Wade tells you the basics on what you need to know. As a former long-standing debt collector and qualified paralegal who has assisted countless litigants in person she has some advice that may help you…

Don't ruin your own case1

4 more ways to ruin your own case.

You’ll ruin your own case in a way your ex could.

Don't ruin your own case1You’re going to ruin it. With friends like these, who needs enemies? Except this enemy is you. You’re going to shoot yourself in the foot, spike your own guns and hand your ex as much ammunition as he/she needs to be able to prove without a shadow of a doubt what a terrible person you are.

You can’t control what your ex is going to say and do but you sure as hell are going to take control of what you say to do.

And it’s going to be like watching a slow motion car crash.

You’re going to get aggressive with anyone who doesn’t agree with you. You’ll tell them they don’t understand. That they are weak for not being as angry as you. And that you’d do anything for your kids.

Apart from winding your neck in, presumably. That’s one thing you can’t do.

Here’s another 4 great ways you will end up as an object lesson to others

  1. Fight everyone involved in your case. The judge. The ex’s legal representative. The CAFCASS officers. The social worker. Your kid’s doctor and school. Make sure that everyone whose opinion may hold weight in a court case know exactly just how angry, aggressive you are and keen to make sure they all know about your rights. You get bonus points if you get yourself arrested by the police by getting stroppy in the wrong place and wrong time (a breach of the peaceis always a favourite). I mean…the ex says you are an angry and aggressive person so by doing this you’re definitely not proving them right are you? And he or she will have the police report to back it up.
  2. Fools ruin their own casesDon’t bother with stupid paperwork and evidence. Pfft! The court doesn’t need to see that killer piece of evidence to clearly back up your assertions does it? You don’t need to know where each document is that you may need during a hearing. A 10p Tesco carrier bag will be fine. Scribbling words like `Lies!’ or `****!’ on original documents are good too.
  3. Act now and don’t worry about the consequences. You may have to live with whatever happens for the next 15 years but if the ex has done or said something that really riles you make sure you file off an angry email or text message as quickly as you can furiously hammer it out. This’ll further help show what an angry person you are. The star prize will probably be a stint on the witness stand answering questions that make you look like a fool no matter what you say. Your McKenzie Friend will not have their head in their hands but they will be hoping the ground opens up swallowing them, the court but most of all…you.
  4. Go entirely alone. A litigant in person should go alone. Because you are able to listen, talk, think and take notes whilst in a sometimes highly stressful and fast moving area you have little experience of. You don’t need no stinkin‘ solicitor or McKenzie Friend. What are you…chicken?

You have more power than you realise. Don’t ruin it.

Even if you are a non resident parent who feels like they are marching to the ex’s tune. You ex has no power over you at all unless you let them. Consider your ex a liar? Prove them wrong by being reasonable in the face of provocation. Document where needed. Think ahead. Take advice.

It’s down to you.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Because it ain’t. Plenty of us have been there. We know exactly how it feels. But at the end of the day you have no control of anything other than yourself.

Your call, guys.

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