As sure as night follows day, the same misunderstandings about how the Family Courts work will be stated, restated, restated again and for good measure retweeted/shared/argued about.
Disregard this sort of thing and you’re not going to help yourself.
The sad thing is that many of them make things harder for people going through the whole process. It makes them do things that don’t help anyone (including their kids) or themselves, pitches them into conflicts that quite frankly aren’t worth happening and generally case trouble. Even if you know these but if the other party doesn’t it will often lead them to act in a way that seems irrational and counterproductive.
There are far more than 4 myths that do this (and I would put money on the fact I’ll be adding more of them as time progresses) but here are some of the `best’.
So here goes…
No.1 – If you have a residence order you can phone the police to get the kids back if your ex refuses to return them.
No. It. Won’t. Phone your local station and say this. Try it. Forget for a moment that this sort of dispute and the police only deal with criminal matters – not civil ones (bit of a spoiler really…).
You: Hello police? I’ve got a residence order and my ex won’t give me the kids back! Can you go round there and take them off him/her?
PC999: Do you have any welfare concerns?
You: Not really, it’s just that I’m the resident parent and he/she is breaking a court order! They should be with me! I’m the main parent!
PC999: OK…not much we can do I am afraid. You need to speak to your solicitor to take the matter back to court. Tell you what…we’ll go round there and advise him/her to hand them over and do a welfare check but that’s all we can do really.
That’s if the police follow the rules, mind. I do know of a couple of cases where officers have removed children without an Emergency Protection Order or without sufficient welfare concerns….and they have found themselves having a very serious chat with the Inspector about how removing kids from parents with PR without good reason tends to go down very badly.
So the moral of this story kids? Don’t think a residence order will stop your ex taking the kids.
No. 2 – An enforcement application will get your ex to abide with an order.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news here – because going back to court is kind of the only option you have if your ex decides he/she is going to ignore the damn thing. Statistically you have less than a 1 in 50 chance of an enforcement application succeeding.
What normally happens is you will make an enforcement application…and your ex will justify breaking the order by saying it isn’t working. What he/she should do of course is talk to you about agreeing a change to arrangements or making his/her own application for a variation. But seeing as that’d cost him/her £215 it’s much chearper and easier just to say I’m changing things. If you don’t like it – tough’ compelling the non resident parent to either say a) `Yes OK’ or b) Filling in the c79 and paying the fee himself/herself.
Followed by your ex seeking to hijack your application and turning it into a variation matter. This happens in a depressingly high number of situations this is what happens. Should you decide to apply for a penal notice don’t think one will be ordered either. You are more likely to be accused of trying to punish your ex.
No. 3 – If you get married your new partner automatically gets PR.
Nope nope nope. Doesn’t work like that. A stepparent has no legal relationship with a stepchild. None at all. If they want PR they’ll either have to get the agreement of everyone who has PR already. Or a court order.
No. 4 – When it comes to financial matters in divorce you get out what you put in.
Again…no. Not true. Consider the following assets and liabilities:
- The large family estate consisting of a portfolio of properties in the UK that William the Conqueror gave to a distant ancestor of yours.
- An eye watering credit card bill incurred by your ex as a result of the luxury cruise he/she had to take to get over your separation, comforted only by the new partner he/she left you for.
- The money earned by your business that you’ve slaved for while your ex has sat on velvet cushions and ate chocolates.
It doesn’t matter where the money came from. Or where it went. Or who earned it. Or who spent it. All assets and liabilities go into the marital `pot’ and are divided up according to need. Remember though – money follows the children. Their needs come first.
It’s also worth remembering that as we’re talking about the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 (and not the Children Act 1989) behaviour isn’t a factor in most cases. So attempting to tarnish your ex’s character seldom makes any difference.
Take the time to learn the basics here. It’ll likely save you a lot of heartache and also give you some perspective on your own situation.