Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

What Representing Myself in the Taught Me

I’ve been there

I’ve spoken to literally thousands of men and women facing family law situations – in court or elsewhere I’ve watched what they’ve done to get great results for their children (or finance situation). I’ve seen truly awful stuff, enabling them to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory too.

A good working knowledge of the Children Act or Matrimonial Causes Act can make a huge difference. But so can `soft’ skills, requiring no legal background at all. Here’s 3 of the biggies:

1.) No one cares!

Or more accurately…no one cares more than you. Your parents or partner may help you – but beyond that…you’re on your own – emotionally and financially. The parenting charities and groups out there range from good to awful. There are Facebook groups too…they range from bad to truly awful. Whether you see your kids or not, whether you get an equitable financial settlement or not…that’s going to affect you and no one else ultimately. You’re the one going to an empty, small flat when the dust has settled if things don’t turn out how you’d prefer them to – no one else.

This isn’t a bad thing. You (should) be clear about your goals and realise you have the power to make or break the case!

2.) Fairness ain’t a thing!

What you see as just will differ from how the court sees it. 50/50 for the kids and division of assets may see reasonable to you (and may be). But there are often circumstances meaning these won’t happen. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be ambitious when it comes to your desired outcome – you absolutely should – but be aware that there will be a gap to bridge when it comes to your expectations and build this into your plan.

3.) It Ain’t Rocket Science

I’ll probably get some heat from legal professionals for this. The law is a complex subject, innit? If you click on the links to the pieces of legislation above…they’re long and complicated.

But the truth? The principles behind them are simple: For children it’s about what is in their best interests; for finances it’s about a fair division of assets.

As my partner Michaela Wade will say though – the devil is in the detail: You’re in court because you can’t agree with your opposite number what is in the best interests of the children/what a `fair division of assets’ is. Obviously!

tl:dr

These 3 points could leave you feeling down. Don’t let this happen. I can categorically say you’ve got this. I’m posting this because I want you to benefit from this (sometimes hard won) knowledge of someone who has gone before you.

There is hope, there is happiness to be had, there is a bright future ahead of you if you choose it. Good luck!

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.