Five Falsehoods about Divorce

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Forget about what you see on TV

There are quite a few myths about divorce. Let’s be honest. Unless you’ve been through one you know what you know because a) you’ve seen it on the telly b) you’ve listened to the bloke down the pub (if it’s open) or c) it stands to reason(!)

As always it probably doesn’t matter – unless you’re doing it yourself, you’re barking up the wrong tree and you’re making it harder for yourself. You may end up making a procedural blooper or you may end up asking for something that the court can’t order and doesn’t care about. The penalty for doing so may range from nothing at all (i.e. the judge saying `You got that wrong, no biggie’ all the way to the court agreeing with you ex’s solicitor that you need to pay their costs (unlikely but technically possible).

Here are 5 of the biggies we keep hearing – what people think and what the actual story is.

You can’t get divorced unless you `sign the paperwork’

Wrong. While refusing to do so can extend the process and add a couple of extra steps…it changes nothing. Apart from your (soon to be ex) spouse being able to say you were playing awkward and possibly using it in future proceedings.

It’s almost like the court has dealt with people playing awkward before….

You can’t get divorced if you can’t find your spouse

This is similar to the first point. Sometimes people just lose contact, sometimes they don’t want to be found. And the solution to this is again similar to the first one. It can be sorted. If you’ve ghosted your spouse, don’t respond to letters, emails, whatever you’re still going to get divorced. Do an amazing job at not being found and you could find yourself being divorced without seing a single document during the process.

But you won’t stop it.

No fault divorces are a thing

Well…sort of. Have a read of the Matrimonial Causes Act (essential bed time reading here at Family Law Assistance) and you won’t find it listed in the grounds for divorce. So what gives?

Well….in reality no court is going to force someone to stay married to someone they really don’t want to be (if we excluded that famous court case in the Royal Courts of Justice a few years back) because that’d be…weird. But it does mean there are a few formalities that need to be observed to make sure you don’t get a letter back from the court telling you that you’re stuck with your spouse.

But it is on it’s way….

A divorce will mean you and your ex won’t be linked financially

`Aha’ we hear your cry. `The form itself says you don’t have to get a financial order!’

And you’re right. The form does say that. Although – to give you an analogy – you don’t need to look both ways before you cross the road – you may be perfectly fine without being hit by a car. It’s just a very, very good idea.

Because – until remarriage – there’s a chance they’re going to get a share in your lottery winnings/unexpected inheritance/money when your company gets listed on the Stock Exchange. Or you may end up having to pay a share of their credit card bill for that once-in-a-lifetime-holiday they went on to get over being with you. Or something similar.

Getting what went wrong `on record’ is important

Is it? Really? Where is everyone going to read that? It’s not nailed to the side of the courthouse for everyone to see and your ex isn’t going to be put in stocks and have tomatoes pelted at them.

Oh yes, what happened may end up in black and white on a court order. You’re not going to be showing it to people are you, are you?

OK. This one is a bit of a grey one. But understand that it’s only important if you think it is important. (Pro-tip: No one will care other than you if you think it is…)

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.