When should I go to court?

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

When should I go to court?

There’s a golden rule when asking yourself this question and the answer is really quite simple. It is:

Go to court when it is liable to make things better than worse.

It’s not rocket science. That’s it. If you don’t think there is a realistic chance of the outcome leading to a better scenario than you’e already in…don’t do it.

Court isn’t known or meant to be a fun place – just about anywhere is better than in a court building. Unless you’re somewhere like the Royal Courts of Justice (where these is a Costa stand) the coffee is pretty awful to start with. You’re going to be hanging around for hours on end waiting to be seen – bring a book and a battery pack for your phone because you are going to spend a lot of time reading, surfing or just staring at the wall.

But seriously.

If there is any way of getting recourse rather than relying to the nice man or nice lady behind the big desk to sort out the whole sorry mess you really need to give it a go. If it means being nice to someone you’re not particularly fond if, do it. Arrange mediation with them (don’t ask them…arrange it and go). Communicate – writing or emailing is best – to see if you can come up with something that you may not like but at least can live with.

If it turns out none of the above don’t hesitate. Contact us and we’ll tell you whether we think going to court is the best option. If it is…don’t hang about. If you want to change something, a status quo is your biggest enemy.

As Mr Shakespeare wrote in the Scottish play `If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well It were done quickly’ (Act 1 Scene 7).

Making things worse.

Many people hold back from going to court because they believe it will inflame the situation or maybe the other party will calm down enough to resolve matters. That’s a mighty big gamble when the clock is ticking an a status quo is being set – and you risk hearing that you must have been fine with the current setup or else you’d have done something about it sooner.

As Michaela Wade says – by the time people speak to us it’s not a question of upsetting the apple cart, because the applecart is already on it’s side (possibly on fire) and the apples are rolling down the road and being run over by passing traffic.

OK – I’m saying this for comedic effect, but the point is true. If your kids are not seeing you, if you have genuine concern for their safety, if something is happening that shouldn’t be (or vice versa) and there is no effective way to agree fixing this with your ex – this is when you get things into court.

The sooner, the better.

Big picture

And I get it – it can be hard to work out what the right thing to do is. You may feel `damned if you, damned if you don’t’ and you’re in a impossible, unwinnable situation with no choices. From my experience – there are always choices even if they’re seemingly equally unpalatable ones.

It’s why we’ll work with you to find out what you actually want to happen, to give you a short, medium and long term plan.

Is it worth taking your ex to court over a missed contact? No. Twice? Probably not. Three times in succession – we may say yes. What if the children are unhappy during contact? Or they don’t brush their teeth enough while they’re with your ex? What if they’ve told the school to use different names from them?

Maybe some of the above matter enough to you – maybe they don’t. Maybe they’re important…maybe they’re minor irritants that you think don’t matter big picture and you’ll forget them in a few months.

But the take home from is this: If it’s worth going to court and there is no other option…don’t hang around. Sort it!

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.