Ex dragging out divorce? Here’s what you can do

1. Introduction
2. The 3 strands of a divorce
3. Dragging out the divorce
4. How to deal with people dragging out the divorce
5. Dragging out the finances
6. How to deal with people dragging out the finances
7. Dragging out the child case
8. Conclusion

Introduction

Ex dragging out divorce? I’m always blown away by the number of people who search for advice on this question, how many of them say that despite spending a large sum in legal fees there is no progress and how they have to `wait’ for things to take.

Most weeks we are contacted by people who are frustrated, stuck and just want to get on with their lives but can’t because <insert legal reasons>.

Don’t get me wrong: The court process is slower than you may think. Your sense of urgency isn’t the same as the court’s and in an age of rising applications, courts shutting and more litigants in person you’d be forgiven for thinking that’s just the way it is.

You’re in luck however. An ex dragging out divorce is something that has happened countless times over a long time. I’m going to guarantee that no matter what your ex has done or said someone has done it before and a family law specialist (like me) has seen it. And then found out a way to deal with it.

Delays are thing in the family court.

Sometimes those delays are inevitable, sometimes not. This blog is a deep dive into the type of delays you can’t avoid, the ones you can – and most importantly, what you can do about it.

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The 3 strands of a divorce

Disclosure – if you’re in England or Wales divorce itself has nothing to do with what happens regarding financial arrangements or what happens with any children you have with your ex spouse. This blog only discussed married couples too; if this is you the law concerning finances doesn’t apply (namely the Matrimonial Causes Act) but it does for any children you have (that’s the Children Act).

In the US it’s common for many states to deal with everything in one case. But if you’re this side of the Atlantic, you’re going to need three cases to deal with the divorce, the money and the children.

There is no strict order they have to be done in, but they do impact each other. Here are a few facts:

1. You cannot start a finance case until you have a divorce underway (because you need the divorce case number to put on your finance application).
2. An application for any children can be made before, during or after a divorce.
3. You don’t have to make a financial application but your ex partner will be able to make a claim on you until they remarry (and vice versa).
4. The courts prefer arrangements for any children to be in place before a financial order is made but there doesn’t need to be.

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Dragging out the divorce

`I’m not going to sign the divorce paperwork’ is something I hear fairly common. It’s a line much-beloved of US movies and TV. But you may (or may not) be shocked to learn that the court has a process for someone `playing awkward’.

The actual process for divorce is relatively straightforward. In April 2022 the `no fault’ divorce came into law. Beforehand there were various grounds for divorce – unreasonable behaviour, adultery, voluntary separation, desertion, etc. It meant that someone was to blame.

It forced couples who had parted to decide who would take the blame, even when the split was amicable. Often, one party chose to use unreasonable behaviour as the grounds, agreeing to play the bad guy. The other then had to come up with reasons the court would accept as valid for granting a divorce—all while trying not to hurt the feelings of the person they were divorcing. The system even went digital, with people commonly applying online.

What didn’t changed was other elements of the process.

The new way of doing things does have built in delay – there’s a minimum 20 day weeks from the start of proceedings to a conditional divorce (previously called a `decree nisi’) before they can apply for a final order (or `decree absolute’ in old money).

When someone applies for divorce, the court automatically sends the papers to their ex-partner, who then has 14 days to respond. The system recognises that exes sometimes try to drag out the divorce process.

A common tactic is for someone dragging their feet to ignore this paperwork, claim they didn’t receive anything or to withhold their address so it can’t be sent to them in the first place.

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How to deal with people dragging out the divorce

If this happens – there are a number of options open to you:

1. Re-serve the papers using a bailiff (this’ll cost you more though!) and the court will accept the other party has received the documents, no matter what their response is.
2. A process server will re-serve the papers by locating the recipient, delivering the documents, and giving you a certificate confirming delivery. Again – it’ll cost you to do this but the court will accept the other party has the documents.
3. Apply for deemed service – asking the court permission to accept you’ve sent paperwork another way – such as email, DMs, text, etc. because you’ve been unable to do it the traditional way (see above!)
4. Dispense with service is asking the court to accept you’ve done everything you can to serve papers on your ex partner but they’ve also done everything they can to avoid responding or you have tried but failed to locate them. If this happens the court may allow the divorce to continue regardless of this.

In terms of starting finance, you only need to start the divorce process – not have it completed.

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Dragging out the finances

This is a biggie.

People often tell me something like this:

I’ve been trying to sort out my finances for 2 years now and it’s cost me £81,000 in legal fees so far but my solicitor has said we can’t make a court application yet!

Don’t get me wrong. Financial cases can be very complicated, with large amounts of paperwork (it’s one of the reasons that Practice Direction 27A – the rules of trial bundle construction restrict them to 350 pages!) and stressful.

Depending on the situation, one party often drags things out (or rushes them) because it serves their interests. For example – imagine you’ree living in a home your ex partner is paying the mortgage on. You’re saving funds while making plans for what happens and knowing the equity of the house is growing every month. Equity you’re going to want a share of. When it does come to a head you’re less likely to want to see things rushed that your ex spouse.

You get my point.

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How to deal with people dragging out the finances

If you’re wanting things moved along (and you probably do because you’re reading this post) you want to know what you can do to reduce delays to a minimum. Here are a few simple pointers:

1. Make a finance application as soon as you can. You’ll need the case number for your divorce which you can get by making that application.
2. Gathering as much information about your finances as possible. This includes:
   1. Bank statements, credit card statements, etc. for the last 2 years.
   2. Property valuations from estate agents – ask them to attend the property where possible and get a few different ones.
   3. Details of house prices/rental costs for new homes for you/the ex spouse.
   4. Pension statements that include details such as CETV (cash equivalent transfer value), costs for early redemption, etc. – make sure you obtain letters, emails concerning this.
   5. A completed and accurate Form E.
3. A plan that works for everyone. It should:
   1. Put the needs of any children first.
   2. Be compliant with the Matrimonial Causes Act, with particular reference to the criteria set out in Section 25.
   3. Ideally leave everyone with a roof over their head.
   4. Ideally, you should come across as fair and willing to compromise.
4. A timetable in court to move things along. This includes when:
   1. People complete Form E documents.
   2. People answer the questionnaires.
   3. Additional information is provided.
   4. Hearings are going to take place.

The worst thing? An ex dragging out a divorce could be doing it for tactical reasons. Or they could use it as a control tactic.

Courts can and do say to someone who is dragging their feet that an order will be made with the evidence available if it feels someone is being obstructive and will factor this obstructiveness in when making a decision.

It often does require you (or your solicitor) to ensure things are driven along to avoid a ticking clock and a mounting legal bill.

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Dragging out the child case

Again – people can (and do) drag out child cases if it suits them to do so. Or they just don’t want to deal with it. The onus is on you or your solicitor (if you are the applicant) to do what you can to keep delay for a minimum. It’ll save you time, money and if you want an order that changes the arrangements for the children an easier job than having to argue that a situation that has been in place for a long time should change).

In the same way that doing the leg work in a finance case (see above) can reduce delay, making sure you have as much relevant information to hand if you think the other party will raise objections or do nothing because they don’t seem to want matters to progress. Here’s a list of a few things parents can do to help the court and avoid delay (if they’re relevant to the case!)

1. Having medical records available.
2. Providing a chronology of the situation.
3. Obtaining police records.
4. Obtaining school records.
5. Attending courses to address any issues you may have. This includes:
   1. Parenting course.
   2. Anger management classes.
   3. Substance abuse programmes.
6. Blood and hair strand tests show that the person has not used alcohol or drugs. The court may reject these because it did not order them. But may do if you have obtained them for a court-approved tester.
7. Providing a well written position statement that gives the court the information it needs.

There is much more. Don’t be surprised when your ex-partner or spouse dismisses the measures you’ve put in place as irrelevant, unnecessary for the court to consider, or not court-ordered. Remember: You don’t need to convince your ex partner – you need to convince the court.

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Ex Dragging Out Divorce: Conclusion

A good solicitor (if you have one) will be wise to the above – and much more. They’ll advise you to pre-empt many of the delays your ex partner may put in your path to slow things down. A bad solicitor will be reactive, writing letters and waiting for the other party to do or say something but not taking any kind of initiative.

An ex dragging out divorce is too common. It keeps you checking inbox rather than letting you move onto a new life.

If you’re representing yourself it can be a minefield. And of course you’re not going to know any of the above – it’s something I’ve learned over the years and helped people speed things up when they need that to happen. If you’re in court, or going to be – ask yourself (and the court) `What can I do to make things as simple and easy as possible’.

Remember though – the only person who deals with delay and extra cost is YOU. So if you don’t do it…no one else will.

For this reason, one of our Ask Me Anything online sessions is ideal. Secure your slot with one of our experts with 2 decades of experience of dealing with exs dragging their feet. We’ll show you the shortcut, keep you focused and answer any questions you have to maximise your chances of getting the best results for you and your children.

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