When Family court orders indirect contact only. You may feel disappointed and your first reaction is to be bitter about it. Dont be. I am virtually putting my arm around your shoulder when I say this.
Elaine from Family Law Assistance often sees how unhappy a parent is when Family Court Orders Indirect Contact. Generally speaking, it is often the fathers that are in this situation. Indeed, all too often its happened because contact has either broken down along with trust and communication. Or it has never started.
If mediation fails, then there there is no other option but to apply to court and ask them to decide on child arrangements. This hopefully is the stepping stone to achieving direct contact or in some more uncommon circumstances can be the ONLY way of maintaining a relationship with a child. Dont forget your child could quite possibly be having the same disappointed reaction as you. They are just not old enough to be included in all the court process yet!
Common Misunderstanding
Contact with a child is primarily the child’s right; not the mother’s or the father’s right. Additionally you do not have a “pay as you go service” with child contact. For example ” I have the right to see my child because I pay maintenance”.
Now I often hear fathers expressing their disappointment and bitterness this way when infact its not about the money for them; its about developing a meaningful relationship with their child.
If you are a father and feel disappointed that contact isnt happening: Do not associate or link it with the child maintenance. I will say it again!
Do NOT link the desire to have contact with your child along side the payment of child maintenance.
If you have ever said things like that. I strongly suggest you do not do it again. Dont shoot yourself in the foot! Not a good move!
The System isn’t Fair
You and I can understand then why it feels like the system is against you. Look at how much effort made in getting Family Court orders indirect contact. You probably felt like you had to “boil the ocean” just to get to the first hearing. However, the truth is, nothing is lost because actually the process of getting contact with the children has just begun!
Why Bother When Family Court Orders Indirect Contact?
Do not underestimate how important this stage of family court is. You and your child will be be looking forwards to a REGULAR and CONSISTENT opportunity to start with. When you get it right and keep turning up for it, it shows that YOU are not only consistent. It shows that YOU CAN BE DEPENDED upon.
Your child learns this too and its EASILY evidenced to show the court when you return that you are able to sustain that. Its a great way to build up trust again with your child and your EX for that matter.
It Dosnt Fit In With Me
Dont cancel it without sufficient notice and a really good reason. In all likeliness, there was most likely a reason why Mum decided to pick times like Saturday and Sunday mornings when your lifestyle makes this a challenge. Maybe you like a lie in after letting off steam on a Friday or a Saturday. Show your child and the court how your actions prioritize the children. Walk the walk. You prove that you show up for contact, on time and regularly. You do make enough time and give it your full focus. On the contrary, this wasn’t something you kept up for a month or two and then it fizzled out.
If you show you cant stick to something simple as this- you are showing the court and importantly your children that you are inconsistent at giving them the attention and its a poor message TO THEM. You dont want to turn up at the next hearing with egg on your face.
This is Part 1 of 3 blogs Ive written on when family court orders indirect contact. Click on Part 2 and Part 3 to link to those articles. I’ve shared some really good ideas with you about what you can do with the children.
