Help! My ex has changed my child’s name!

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

I spoke to the school and found out my ex had changed my child’s name!

It’s amazing how often this comes up. And how many people will justify this. And will argue the toss. It’s unsurprising how hurt people are when they say to me `my ex has changed my child’s name’.

But this is a very simple one.

When can someone change the names of children? Here is a comprehensive list detailing every way a child’s name can be legally changed.

1. With the agreement of everyone who has PR for the child.
2. A court order saying so.
3. That’s it. There is no number 3.

Simple, eh?

This subject comes up with a weary inevitability. So do the people we speak to who have this problem. We’ve had 2 today so far which is why this post is on this topic.

Pro tip: Deed polls don’t count. They’re not worth the paper they’re written on, especially so if there is lots of gold leaf, excitingly-shaped edges, fancy writing and lots of legalese that makes it look very, very important. If you have one for your child…you’ve wasted your money. If you have one and you want to do it legally you need to go to the Royal Courts of Justice to `enrol’ it…and you’ll need one of the extensive list above to do it.

Otherwise you may as well not have bothered.

I know what you’re going to say…

It’s `Ah…my kids have a legal name and a known as’ name. So it’s OK’. Nope. Doesn’t work like that (unless you’re in Scotland and then it does). You’ll tell me that the school just asked you to fill in a form that asks for their `official’ name and their `known as’ name aren’t you? You may have a friend who had that happen to them. It may have happened to you.

I don’t doubt it. It happens. There’s a really simple reason this is the case. It’s because:

They don’t know the law on this. And besides no one is likely to stop you.

Saying it must be OK because you got away with it, it’s the same as saying that because sometimes people get away with burglary it must similarly be legal.

That school office admin you’re going to speak to will probably be fine with it all (chances are, she’s got friends who have done the same). Or she may have heard a story that means it seems reasonable to her.

The other side of the fence…

If you’re the parent saying `My ex has changed my kid’s name’ there are things you can do….listen very, very carefully.

Firstly – you should be involved in your child’s education. It’s in their best interests for this to happen. You’ll also be alerted if there is a name change in the first place…

Time is your enemy. The longer you leave it…the harder is going to get. The stronger the argument is that if you’re changing the kids a second time (after they’ve got used to the new one) it’s not going to help them (change is a factor in the Welfare Checklist). And besides – if you were that bothered you’d have done something about it, rather than hanging around pontificating.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? As always the first piece of advice is `Don’t stick your head in the sand‘. And as always the longer you leave it, the harder it gets to change things. As soon as you learn this happened contact the school, the doctor, where ever else and ask them to change to your kids’ real names. Maybe take their birth certificate in. Explain firmly but nicely what you would like to happen. If they do and it is left at that…great. You don’t need to do anything else.

If not…it’s time to go to court. You’ll need to make an application for a Specific Issues Order.

So it’s as simple as that. Either way – and I am aware I am repeating myself here – doing nothing is just about the worst thing you can do. A stitch in time and all that, OK?

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.