Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
Contact Centres: A personal perspective
Family Law Assistance
The only alternative to a solicitor.
The Welshman burst into tears in front of me
He was about 6’4″ and built like a brick outhouse. I didn’t know if he was a rugby player (got to love a bit of stereotyping…) but if he was, I wouldn’t wanted to have faced him on a good day if I faced him on the pitch.
For him…he was broken. It wasn’t a good day. For both us of.
I was in a `child contact centre‘ to allow my 10 month old son to see me. It’d been more than 3 months since he’d last seen me – that had stopped when the police had been called to arrest me for saying I wanted to take him for a walk in his pushchair.
You couldn’t make this up. I swear – it’s all true.
Contact centres are dreary places, sorry. I could blow smoke up your arse and talk about them being joyous places where parents meet their kids…but that’s rubbish.
They’re either church halls, run by volunteers, businesses who charge to provide a facility or something similar. All of them feel like prison visiting rooms – complete with people who watch to make sure no one causes problems or tries to leave when they shouldn’t.
Oh, there are toys. Donated ones, so the kids can play with their parents. Sometimes the parents will bring toys (if the court order lets them). Sometimes they’ll take pictures of their kids (again…if the court order lets them). It felt like being at a jumble sale where the kids were allowed to play with the toys their parents hadn’t bought.
Can you think of anything worse than being watched by strangers to make sure you don’t hurt your own kids?
Apart from not being to see them at all, of course.
I’m incurring the wrath of people in the family law system saying this…but the best thing about contact centres is that they’re better than not seeing your kids at all.
The road from Rhyl
The Welshman was from Rhyl. That was a long drive from where we were – Edgware. We both say, waiting for our children to be brought in. You got an hour. No more. But maybe less if your ex partner turned up late. They often turned up late.
He told me, through his tears that he – like me – had come home one day to a house sans wife and children. He’d called the police and been told they were safe, but were in a shelter. And to speak to a solicitor.He’d spoken to a solicitor.
Who had made the necessary court applications to both get the paper work to his ex (she was in a shelter) and one to ask to be permitted to see his kids.
He’d been waiting for 9 months.
`There’s no smoke without fire’
He’d been told he was a wife beater and a child abuser. He’d been arrested, spent nights in the cells, lost friends and family members because of it. Because…there’s no smoke without fire, is there?
We stopped chatting when his kids ran out to him – two boys and a girls, all shouting `Daddy, Daddy Daddy!’ This huge guy beamed, scooped his children in his arms and I watched them hold onto each other tight.
He’d `abused his kids‘, remember.
My son came out. We played. He was just starting to walk and I beamed with paternal pride. I melted when I saw him smile at me. He wrapped his arms around me. I’d `abused him’, like the Welsh guy had abused his children.
And then the hour was over. That’s it. 1 hour a week. I was lucky. Most contact centres are only open once a fortnight. This had been pointed out by my ex’s solicitor – with a look of sorrow and a shrug of `what can you do, eh?’ – before I’d come up with the mind blowing concept that going to 2 contact centres would work.
The judge had asked why the solicitor hadn’t thought of that.
I looked at the Welsh guy after his kids left. I sat down. We both sagged. He burst into tears. I held them back.
It was another week until I saw my son for an hour….
Why Family Law Assistance was formed
Stories like this are why I do what I do. Why I set up Family Law Assistance .
I felt like giving up a thousand times and you only know how it feels when you’ve experienced it. Our advice is sound, legally. But we’re also going to tell you what DOES work as opposed to what SHOULD work.
We’re going to tell you how to get through the days, weeks, months of your case and keep you heading in the right direction until you get the results that are best for your kids.
So with that in mind….fancy a chat?
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
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