Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Kim Antrobus talks about the importance of effective and assertive communications in relationships – co-parenting and beyond.

Anyone who has followed my social media, blogs or even read my chapter in my best-selling book From the Ashes, She is Ignited Vol. 2 will know how much I value communication in reducing conflict, particularly in relationships, and even more so in communications between separated parents.

My childhood was marred with conflict and much of this can be attributed to poor communication.  One of the things I am most passionate about is helping parents to co-parent effectively and with little to (preferably) no conflict.  You will hear me bang this drum repeatedly as remaining child-focused and reducing conflict is imperative if you want to inflict as little harm as possible on your child as a result of your relationship breakdown.  Ongoing feuds between parents are not it!!! ::uncool::

Two things which I want to delve into a little deeper with you are effective communication and assertive communication; what they mean and how impactful they both are.

Effective Communication

Effective communication between separated parents is crucial for the well-being of their children and the success of their co-parenting relationship. It is essential for separated parents to work together in the best interests of their children and create a positive co-parenting relationship.

Here are some reasons why:

1. Ensures the best interests of the children: When parents are able to communicate effectively, they can work together to make decisions that are in the best interests of their children. This can include decisions about education, healthcare, and extracurricular activities, among others. When done well, parents can agree matters out of court.  It is a well-accepted fact that prolonged litigation through the Family Courts is harmful for children whose parents are separated.

2. Reduces conflict and stress: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts between parents. This can create stress and tension for both parents and children and ultimately, this can be a means of inflicting emotional harm on children, whether intentional or otherwise. Effective communication can help to reduce these negative outcomes and create a more peaceful co-parenting relationship.

3. Promotes consistency: When parents are consistent in their communication with each other, they can create a more stable and predictable environment for their children. This can help children feel more secure and better able to cope with the challenges of their parents’ separation. It is incredibly difficult for children to endure repeat conflict between their parents, and it is extremely common at handovers – one good solution here is to enlist the help of a friend or family member so that you don’t need to come into contact with your ex (while a situation is inflammatory).  I would also add here though that it is beneficial to children to see their parents getting on and communicating well together for them.

4. Facilitates problem-solving: Effective communication can also help parents work together to solve problems and address challenges that may arise in their co-parenting relationship. This can include issues related to visitation schedules, child support, and other practical matters, as well as dealing with issues arising from their children’s behaviour.

Assertive Communication

I have recently begun a “sober journey”.  I am by no means a chronic drinker or alcohol dependant, but I did feel unable to stop once I started drinking.  In order to work through this, I have decided to abstain for a while and in doing so, I have been learning about the effects of alcohol on the brain, body and overall wellbeing.  One topic which came up and sparked an interest in me was assertive communication.  This topic also has parallels with Family Law so I wanted to share this with you.

Assertive communication is a vital skill that enables individuals to express their needs, wants, and opinions in a clear and confident manner, while still respecting the needs and rights of others and managing your own emotions.  It can help individuals to establish and maintain healthy relationships, improve their self-esteem, reduce conflict, and enhance their problem-solving skills – clearly this is something which is advantageous to all relationships and not just for parents who have separated (or people who have decided to abstain from drinking alcohol!)

Here are some reasons why assertive communication is important in relationships and co-parenting:

1. Promotes healthy relationships: Assertive communication helps individuals to establish and maintain healthy relationships with others. It allows them to express their thoughts and feelings in an open and honest manner, while still being respectful and considerate of others’ needs. For parents, using assertive communication also means that we are teaching our children to do the same.

2. Improves self-esteem: Assertive communication can improve an individual’s self-esteem and self-confidence. By expressing their needs and standing up for themselves in a respectful way, they can feel more empowered and in control of their lives. This also means respecting our own and other people’s boundaries – it is worth bearing in mind that boundaries and dynamics between people shift hugely when their relationship comes to and end.  Many parents find it difficult to assimilate to the newly established boundaries.  It is so important to be mindful of this – we are also showing our children how to behave in these situations so remaining as child-focused as possible should assist greatly with this.

3. Reduces conflict: Assertive communication can help to reduce conflict and misunderstandings between individuals. It allows people to express their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct way, which can prevent misunderstandings and reduce the likelihood of conflict. This is essential for people who need to continue to parent separately.

4. Enhances problem-solving skills: Assertive communication can also enhance an individual’s problem-solving skills. By expressing their needs and wants clearly and respectfully, they can work with others to find solutions to problems that meet everyone’s needs. If we can talk through any issues that arise, this will reduce the need to take matters to court!

By using tools such as effective and assertive communication, we cane forge our own channels for improving communications with our exes or our children’s other parent for the benefit not only of our children, but also ourselves – it really is good to talk.

If you need help communicating with your ex, you can book in an Ask Me Anything with Kim or email Kim at kim@familylawassistance.co.uk to arrange an evening or weekend appointment.

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.