Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
A Family Law Tragedy
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Prologue
I should have listened to you
I winced when he said that and tried to think of something helpful and positive to say. I’m not the sort of person to kick a man (or woman) when they’re down. It was hard enough for the poor sod and I didn’t want to make him feel worse than he did – if that was possible.
`I told you so’ wasn’t a particularly helpful response so I told him what his options were instead.
The beginning
They told me not to rock the boat
Mark phoned me to say he’d split with his ex nine months previously. He hadn’t been married to her and for some reason she’d decided his name wasn’t going on the birth certificate (my cynical side could think of a few less-than-positive reasons for that but it didn’t help the guy I was speaking to to list them). Which meant he didn’t have PR for his daughter.
I went to a support meeting and they told me not to rock the boat. They told me not to ask for PR and to focus on contact because she might cause problems if I did.
He kinda had a point. A hostile ex partner will often stop contact the moment something happens that she (it can be a she…but usually a `he’ in the cases I assist in) doesn’t like. Mark’s ex had already done and said stuff that proved his.
It’s quite possible she’ll mess with contact if you do this I told him. But while you don’t have PR you don’t have a legal relationship with your daughter. Your ex can move her to Australia, change her name, give her new boyfriend PR for your daughter and there will nothing at all you can do about it I said.
Yeah – you’re right he said. I’ll think about it he said. We said goodbye. I knew he wouldn’t.
The middle
She’s reduced my time with my daughter – what can I do?
I told him it was time for mediation, to ask for PR and a court application if that didn’t work. Mark still didn’t rock the boat. His ex partner had been allowing to read a bedtime story to his daughter at her home (I was a bit surprised by that) but that had stopped after Mum had got a new boyfriend.
I bit my tongue and tried not to repeat myself again. I can recommend and advise – but I can’t make people do stuff. Mark told me he’d go and think about it…again.
I said `OK’.
The End
She’s stopped me seeing my daughter completely
My first thought was to say `Yep – I told you that was coming’. But I didn’t. And Mark went on. Mum had given her new boyfriend PR and changed his daughter’s surname too. His daughter had a new dad – and it wasn’t Mark.
Mark asked me what he could do. I said that the same place remained. That he had options. That it was now harder but there was still hope. Again…he told he would think about it.
Epilogue
There is no epilogue. I never heard from Mark again. If I had to take a guess….he gave up. His daughter had a `new daddy’. And Mark would tell anyone who would listen that there was nothing he could do.
The thing about what we do is we can see what is happening. There’s nothing new under the sun and we’re a pretty good judge (pun intended) about what the next move you or your ex is going to happen. When it’s good – and people are proactive and do what is needed it’s often a relatively simple – albeit emotionally challenging – process to get to the end and a reasonable outcome.
When it’s not? It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion: Knowing what is going to happen but being powerless to change the course of events.
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
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