How do I get 50 50 shared custody?

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

What even is 50 50 shared custody?

We’re asked this question all the time (by dads because mums almost always `have the kids’): How do I get 50 50 shared custody?

Dads who go from being involved in their kid’s lives to nothing – sometimes overnight – quite understandably feel they are as important as Mum and logically think sharing the care of the kids equally is how it should go.

50 50 shared custody though?

Thing is…they’re wrong. Sort of.

Going to court and asking for something like `50 50 shared custody’ can cause problems. I’m writing this blog so if you’re looking for this you can sidestep some of them.

Here we go…

Legal language and terms

First of all. Custody. I’m assuming you’re somewhere in England or Wales. If that’s the case – there hasn’t been such a thing as `custody’ since 1989 – so you’d be asking for something that has no legal meaning. The closest thing to it these days is `residence’ (or since they changed the name of it again `who the children live with’.

But even that has nothing to do with how the children divide their time between the parents. There’s no link between division of time and residence – it’s possible for time to be 50 50 and there to be no residence order. It’s possible to have a residence order and time to be split equally.

A court order has different parts – in paragraphs.

One paragraph may deal with how the children split their time. The second, about residence, shared residennce or no residence at all (orders don’t have to mention it at all – no matter what your ex’s solicitor tells you).

So be clear about what you want. If you’re asking for `50 50 shared custody’ the closest to what really exists is an order that specifies children divide their time equally between both parents and a shared residence order (although an order that doesn’t mention residence at all does exactly the same thing!)

So how do you get this order?

And now we get to $64 million dollar question. If I had an answer to that I’d be the world’s greatest legal genius, guaranteeing my clients the order of their dream and running rings around my legal opponent and the judge.

Of course, if your ex agreed to 50 50 shared custody…sorry…shared care you don’t need an order. But if that was the case you wouldn’t be reading this blog post, right?

Ask for this arrangement in court and your (hostile) ex’s solicitor will come up with a list of reasons why what you want isn’t in the best interests of your children. These include:

• You didn’t have shared care before you split up so you’re proposing something that disrupts the children’s routine.
• Your work means you won’t have time to care for them.
• You’re not capable of caring for them.
• The children don’t want it.
• It’s all about your `rights‘ and nothing to do with the best interests of the children.

There will be more. You need good answers to all of these. And remember – you don’t need to convince your ex or her solicitor…only the court.

Answers to the above include:

• You are happy to go with a schedule leading to 50 50, increasing bit by bit in a child-focused way.
• You have flexible working hours or you’ve just got a new job to incorporate this new pattern.
• You’re a `good enough’ parent who has worked on any challenges he faces.
• The children’s wishes are a factor, but they’re not determinative.
• This order will demonstrate you’re an important person in their lives.

Of course – your ex’s solicitor will do his/her best to discredit these points. But hey…that’s what they do, right?

The end bit about 50 50 shared custody

If you want `50 50′ it’s not going to happen suddenly – especially if you don’t see the kids at all right now. What you do need is a plan. A plan that involves addressing all the concerns the court has. A schedule leading to 50 50. A timeline that leads to what you want to achieve.

It CAN be achieved and it is by more and more fathers. A increasing number of children benefit from a shared care arrangement and we believe both parents in their life is the best scenaro; it’s important to say that legal people will often say `if it’s safe to do so’ – but we take the view that chances are you’re a decent human being who just wants to parent their children…and the onus is on any who says that isn’t the case to demonstrate this.

To maximise your chances of getting 50 50 shared custody for your children today, start the process by booking an Ask Me Anything online session. We’ll answer all your questions and give you a proven plan!

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.