When you should ask for 50/50 shared custody

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Visit your common or garden variety support forum and you’ll hearing the phrase `50/50 shared custody’ sooner or later.

You’re going to meet parents of all sorts in this groups – angry ones, upset ones, bewildered ones and more. Some of them have been around long enough to know how things work, others not so much. You’re almost certainly going to meet a few who will give bad advice no matter how long they’ve been part of it and no matter how often they’ve heard differently.

It’s easy to see why some people expect care of their children to be equally divided…because as the old saying goes – `it takes two to tango’. But like so much else in the Children Act you’re probably going to get a rude awakening if you keep on this path.

I can answer this in one word.

Never.

I can categorically state this is the case for a few reasons. They being:

1. There’s no such things as `shared custody’ (or custody at all). It’s a term that hasn’t had legal meaning since Milli Vanilli were in the charts; if you’re too young to have heard of them that should tell you something.
2. You’re probably confusing the rights and responsibilities conferred by PR (Parental Responsibility) with where the kid in question spends his or her time.
3. You may as well tell the court/CAFCASS/social worker/the ex’s solicitor `It’s my right! I’ve got a legal right!‘ Try THAT and see what reaction you’ll get (hint: It’ll probably be one you don’t much like).
4. Because there is more than one way to skin a cat.

Guys…this is a HUGE red flag. As well as being seen to shout the odds about your rights you’re also demonstrating said rights are more important than the kids (dividing them up like the furniture or the CD collection as the old phrase goes), that you don’t know what you’re actually asking for and that you know nothing about the actual process.

Go ahead, all guns blazing and there is a good chance you’ll be asked all about it when that nice barrister is trying to convince the court that the judge shouldn’t make an order for that by asking you questions that’ll make you look nasty, selfish, stupid or hopefully (for him/her) all three. You’re making it easy for them (or me if I am helping your ex).

With this in mind the `take homes’ from this post are simple:

1. Learn the terminology. It’s not about custody’ these days. It’s not even about residence’. It’s about `Who the child lives with’. They are just about the same thing, true – but you want your message to be clear and not open to (wilful) misinterpretation.
2. Understand division of time and PR are like chalk and cheese. Where a child spends his/her time has absolutely nothing to do with rights and responsibilities under PR.
3. Prove what you want is in the best interests of the child. The most common thing parents say when asked why this is the case is `Because it will show the kids both parents are equal’. The court won’t accept this. Don’t waste your time saying it. Seriously.
4. Be patient. If this is your ultimate goal understand that it will take time – especially if there is no contact at all now.

I’m not saying I don’t think shared parenting is a good idea. Quite the opposite. What I’m saying is shared custody isn’t a thing. It’s like asking for sky hooks. tartain paint or a long weight. But less funny and more dodgy.

But if this is going to be happen, avoid the obvious pitfalls. There are enough of those without making basic mistakes.

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.