My ex is making false allegations against me

1. Introduction.
2. What is domestic abuse?
3. Why do people make false allegations?
4. How do courts deal with allegations?
5. What happens at a Fact Finding Hearing?
6. What if the court finds against me even though I know something didn’t happen?
7. How do courts deal with false allegations?
8. What should you do if you’re faced with false allegations?
9. Conclusion

Introduction

Allegations in the family court are sadly very common. In almost every case we assist in – children and finance ones – there are all allegations of some sort. Physical abuse. Mental abuse. Controlling behaviour, coercion, harassment and more.

Many of the allegations surface around the time people separate. It’s natural for this period in people’s lives to be full of emotion and memories so it’s understandable it happens. It’s also understandable that people will raise events and behaviours during family court cases.

Of course, some allegations are true – people talk about things that did happen. But it’s far from unknown for allegations to be made that are exaggerated, interpreted in a certain light, taken out of context or sometimes to be simply untrue.

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What is domestic abuse?

Section 1 of The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines domestic abuse in this way:

1. This section defines “domestic abuse” for the purposes of this Act.
2. Behaviour of a person (“A”) towards another person (“B”) is “domestic abuse” if—
   1. A and B are each aged 16 or over and are personally connected to each other, and
   2. the behaviour is abusive.
3. Behaviour is “abusive” if it consists of any of the following—
   1. physical or sexual abuse;
   2. violent or threatening behaviour;
   3. controlling or coercive behaviour;
   4. economic abuse (see subsection (4));
   5. psychological, emotional or other abuse;and it does not matter whether the behaviour consists of a single incident or a course of conduct.
4.  “Economic abuse” means any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on B’s ability to—
   1. acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or
   2. obtain goods or services.
5. For the purposes of this Act A’s behaviour may be behaviour “towards” B despite the fact that it consists of conduct directed at another person (for example, B’s child).

In short, abuse comes in all shapes and forms. Anyone can be a perpetrator and anyone can be a victim.

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Why do people make false allegations?

Certain types of abuse are easier to define than others – for example a physical or sexual assault is sometimes more black and white than others. Although even then a shove for one person may be a punch to others. Non-physical abuse is less tangible and even further up for debate. Of course, mental abuse and can be – as well as harder to recognise – just as severe and just as damaging.

What constitutes domestic abuse is coloured by context and feelings too and as a result can be difficult to pin down however.

For this reason it is quite possible that an accuser genuinely feels and believes domestic abuse has been made, with the accused feeling the allegations of abuse are entirely false, exaggerated, taken out of context or malicious in nature.

However making allegations of abuse can lend weight to the argument of the accuser, particularly if they’re the one who doesn’t wish to change the current arrangements for the children. Allegations delay matters. A court will need to consider them and will often halt making any long term decision until they have been dealt with satisfactorily – often by a Fact Finding hearing – that can delay the question of when a child should be a parent or which one they live with. Finally, it can escalate legal costs dramatically, as the accused party deals with paperwork, procedure and the cost of a barrister at a Fact Finding hearing.

Couple that with the fact there is almost never a penalty for lying in court a false allegation can heavily advantage the parent who doesn’t want the current arrangement changed.

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How do courts deal with allegations?

The court has an obligation to investigate allegations. In light of high profile child protection cases like Baby P, etc. no court wants to be the one to explaining why they choose to disregard warnings about a child at risk who was later harmed.

Courts act in the best interests of children so if they become aware of a situation or events that have a bearing on it, they will want to get to the bottom of things.

If allegations are made, the court has a number of different ways it can respond. It can:

1. Ignore them.
2. Ask the accused their side of the story.
3. Order a Fact Finding Hearing.

Allegations are very common. Judges are definitely aware litigants lie to them, exaggerate things, miss out crucial context or say things in the hope the court will be swayed into ordering something they like (although they’ll usually be diplomatic about it). They will attempt to balance the huge workload imposed by allegations, avoidable delay, the best interests of the children, etc.

Courts will only be interested in allegations (true or false ones) insofar as they impact the best interests of the children.

If a judge decides allegations need discussion, valuable court time may be spent asking the accused about their side of things. If it’s considered important enough, the application in question (i.e. child contact, residence, etc.) can be put on hold while the allegations are tested in trial – in a Fact Finding hearing.

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What happens at a Fact Finding hearing?

A Fact Finding (also called a FoF or “Re L hearing”) hearing is a trial. A court will consider evidence submitted to it, witnesses will be asked questions and a judge will then decide if the allegations are true or not.

The balance of probability is `on the balance of probability’ and not `beyond reasonable doubt’ (as is the case in a criminal court) and the court won’t be finding someone guilty or innocent. The judge will decide if something is `more likely to have occurred than not’.

A Fact Finding hearing is your chance to have your say. It’s your chance to prove something didn’t (or did) happen using paperwork, witnesses and other evidence to convince the court. This is often done with a trial bundle that contains everything the court will need to see to make a fair decision.

At the conclusion of this hearing the court may make recommendations about what happens next – which can impose further delay on proceedings.

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What if the court finds against me even though I know something didn’t happen?

Firstly, it’s important to understand that if something is found against someone it doesn’t mean they’re `guilty’. Family courts are not criminal courts and you are not a defendant.

But litigants can feel that the wrong decision has been made – which is why the court will say it finds something `more likely to have happened than not’.

A crucial part is to accept the court’s findings. This of course can be exceptionally hard to swallow – feeling that you are admitting to something you know simply didn’t happen and that your ex partner may use to further blacken your character as well as use to delay matters and use as justification for opposing your application. Even if you have character references.

So it’s important to accept the findings and move on from them. Should you choose to not to this it is entirely possible that a case will be held up indefinitely (or even dismissed) until you do so.

How do courts deal with false allegations?

Making false allegations is contempt of court. The definition of that is here:

‘Contempt of court’ happens when someone risks unfairly influencing a court case. It may stop somebody from getting a fair trial and can affect a trial’s outcome.

A false allegation is a lie to the court, especially serious if it is made under oath. The court expects honesty, fairness and sincerity from everyone involved for the simple reason that without them the best solution cannot be found. So someone who is making false allegations is trying to stop the court making an order it otherwise would in the best interests of the child.

However, despite this and the court being aware that people lie to it – even lies that have been exposed are often left unpunished.

There is a simple reason for this – the family court exists to act in the best interests of the child, not to punish people. So if a court decides  punishing a parent who has lied goes against that, it won’t order any kind of punishment.

A judge may be unhappy with someone who has lied in court and say so.

That said, penalities are open to the court. The court has various options including up to 2 years imprisonment, fines and awarding costs to the other party for vexatious conduct.

However it is almost unknown for any of the above to ever happen.

And a common response to a falsely accused litigant asking for such a penalty to be awarded will often fall on deaf ears too – with courts believing children are not served well by seeing a parent punished by imprisonment because it a) stops them seeing their parent b) affects them financially c) further escalates hostility between parents.

Courts will often consider such a parent attempting to use the legal system to punish an ex partner rather than deal with arrangements for the children.

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What should you do if you’re faced with false allegations?

It depends on what the court decides.

At the outset it’s important to simply refute the allegations. If something didn’t happen – say so. Don’t elaborate. Say `It didn’t happen’ and move on. Do not get into a debate. Do not respond to a list of false allegations with a point by point rebuttal of each one.

Why? Because your ex can make up false allegations faster than you can rebut them. There will always be new ones. If the court decides to order a Fact Finding hearing it can take months for it to take place, days to go through the allegations and then a further period before you are able to make your case about why the court needs to order what you’re asking it to order.

And while the clock ticks, the status quo grows and the stronger your ex partner’s argument grows that the children are settled with the current arrangement and it would disrupt their lives to change it to do something like see you more or live with you.

You want the court to ignore the lies and focus on your goal – a relationship with your children. Don’t get dragged into falsehoods. If you need the support of a solictor, get one.

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Conclusion

You can’t stop your ex making allegations – false or otherwise. Similarly, you can’t control the court.

If you’re faced with an allegation that is true, own it: Admit to it in court, take full responsibility without justifying your actions, talk about what you have learned and what you intend to do to avoid a repeat and move on.

However, if faced with allegations that simply aren’t true, say this. Don’t elaborate, don’t dignify lies with a response other than saying it is untrue.

Then? Move on with your goal of a relationship with your children.

Just about every case we’ve ever assisted in has allegations. With our help we’ll tell you the absolute best way to respond to them to minimise the time, money and heartache it’s costing you. Fight back today by booking an Ask Me Anything session online!

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