Parental alienation is domestic abuse
Having experienced Parental Alienation personally and professionally I have absolutely no doubt that parental alienation must be included in the new Domestic Abuse Bill.
The form this abuse takes is devastating for both the child and the alienated parent. I have often witnessed a huge amount of bias within the family court system, where in most cases it is the primary carer making false allegation of abuse in order to achieve either an amendment in the current order that in place, restricting contact or denying direct contact altogether.
A personal view
I’ve seen what alienation can do to people I care about. I’ve seen children who have lived for a large proportion of their life with both parents suddenly (and apparently) waking up and deciding that they didn’t want to see one of their parents. Without any input at all from the parent they spend the bulk of their time with.
You would think their views have come from nowhere….out of a vacuum. And CAFCASS and the court apparently believed this. Which resulted in the alienated parent being permitted to write to his child once a month, the court apparently taking a `hopefully things will get better on their own’ attitude.
Unbelievable.
Definitions of abuse
According to Women’s Aid, “coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim It is a particularly insidious form of post-separation abuse“. I also notes that taking the children away, threatening to do so, lying to friends and family about you and preventing you from from seeing relatives are abuse.
All of which are part of parental alienation. In cases like this the abuser:
- repeatedly denigrates, demeans and devalues the other parent in the presence of the child and others. They often insist a child stops calling their parent “mum” or “dad” or even prevents them talking about the other parent. They bad mouth the other parent, criticise their parenting and deny their value to their children.
- isolates the other parent from friends and family. They act as a gatekeeper, preventing children from spending time with the other parent, from talking on the phone, or messaging. They break agreed arrangements and court orders. They may insist friends “choose” between them.
- cause financial hardship by refusing to communicate or make arrangements other than through solicitors or the family court. They barter child-parenting time, offering to increase time, or threatening to reduce it, depending on money exchanged.
- interfere with parental responsibility – failing to consult on medical or educational issues and relay important health and schooling information. They may unlawfully change a child’s name in an effort to eradicate a parent from the child’s life and identity.
- make false allegations of abuse, fitness to parent, substance abuse or mental health difficulties – reporting these to the police or social services – in order to prevent a parent from being with their child. False allegations are also made to employers, friends and on social media to damage reputation and impact on financial stability and job security.
- interfere with child-parent time by arranging appointments, events and activities. They may continually text or face-time your child or ask the police to make repeated welfare checks.
- will destroy or dispose of gifts, mementos, photographs and letters given to children by a loving parent, fostering a belief that the other parent is not important or does not love a child.
- burdens their child with their emotional outbursts – crying or appearing fearful, anxious or angry when a child spends time with the other parent. In this way, a child comes to feel responsible for their parent’s emotional regulation and stability.
The solution to this has many facets. Legislation is just part of this but it’s important if all victims of domestic abuse are to be protected.
