Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
The Divorce from Hell
Family Law Assistance
The only alternative to a solicitor.
Meet Mel and Andy…
Like Rebecca and Phil they’ve been married for around a decade and their marriage is over too. And like Rebecca and Phil again, they both intended to keep things amicable. As the old saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions…
But the similarities end there.
Well meaning friends and family members are keen to support them and quickly draw up sides. Mel quickly comes to believe that the children should live with her, while Andy decides it’s his right for them to be with him fifty percent of the time. Mel is told by a few friends who have gone through their own hostile separations that she should `Take him for everything she can get’ and that Andy should be kicked out of the family home.
It’s becoming apparent during discussions between them that things are spiralling out of control – they’re having a few arguments about it all.
Going down
Neither of them is sure about what the first step, but after reading various horror stories in various Facebook groups, Mel goes to a solicitor who advises her what the process is. She mentions the arguments and that she’s worried about how angry Andy gets – he’s told her he isn’t going to move out until there is agreement for the finances or the children. And why should he move out in any case?
Andy organises mediation to sort it out, but Mel declines. What’s the point? `He’s only going to try to bully me into what he wants’ she thinks.
Instead, she moves out with the kids while Andy is out and goe to her parent’s place an hour away. She messages Andy to tell him what’s happening and how she’s fearful for the children’s safety. He demands to see them and she refuses. After Mel speaks to her solicitor he receives a letter saying that all future communication needed to be via them or else they will be forced to consider a non molestation order against him.
Mel’s solicitor, acting upon instruction sends off the D8 form to start the divorce, citing Andy’s aggressive behaviour – detailing the arguments they’d had after agreeing to separate and how Mel was fearful of what he might do. They also ask that he pay the costs of the divorce
Doomsday Clock
Andy reads the `acknowledgement of service‘ and is appalled. He feels it’s out of context, unfair and he is expected to pay for it all. He decides he isn’t going to sign the paperwork. He’s `not going to play their game’. His friends are now posting regularly about how awful Mel is and how she’s stopping him seeing the kids. Andy counters by making a C100 application to see his children, saying he wants `50 50 equal rights’ and a hearing is listed.
Meanwhile in Mel’s camp, her solicitor notes Andy has refused to sign the `acknowledgment of service’ which merely means they ask the court to `deem service’ – they have proof it was delivered. Andy has temporarily slowed the process, but he hasn’t stopped it. And made it more expensive.
Four minutes to midnight
Mel’s solicitor now has a case number for the divorce and uses it to start the financial process – a Form A. Mel seeks the lion’s share of the house, that Andy move out while she returns with the children and that he continue to pay for the mortgage. Andy hits the roof when he reads this – he can’t see any options and suspects he’ll be moving back with his parents two hours from his children.
Shortly after, he receives notification that the first hearing for his C100 (child contact) application has been scheduled. The CAFCASS Schedule 2 letter details how Mel is scared of him, the arguments prior to their separation and how they cannot recommend contact at this time….
The Edge of the Abyss
We’re going to stop this post here.
Because the events that follow will probably take another 3 or 4 blog posts. Needless to say, it’ll include allegations of abuse, the odd arrest, large bills being paid for legal fees, psychological reports, valuations and repeated hearings. The financial case will wrap up in a couple of years, with a large part of the assets not going to Mel or Andy. The case for the children will take a couple of years too. But Andy will probably make at least another one, while Mel may make an application for a non molestation order against him. The children suffer as a result – watching and hearing Mum and Dad denigrating each other and wondering if it’s their fault.
How long is a piece of string?
We’re always asked how much it will cost. We don’t know. As we detail in our `The Divorce from Heaven‘ blog – around a thousand is quite possible. In this scenario? The sky is the limit. We’ve assisted clients who have paid over a million before they’ve come to us. Several thousand in the sort of scenario above is very reasonable in the circumstances (relatively speaking).
Here’s the thing: The law can’t make people behave reasonably. It’s a blunt instrument. Humans are ingenious too – there is no court order, no matter how detailed, comprehensive that someone, if they want to be awkward, can’t mess with. And takes two to tango, too.
The tl:dr here: Don’t be Mel or Andy. You have no power over what your ex does, but complete control over your own actions. Of course, safety is paramount. You have a right to be safe. If you can’t meet your ex physically, discuss things by Zoom. Or phone. Or text. Or mediation. If you can’t communicate with them directly, consider shuttle mediation.
This story are the opening salvo of a sadly too common scenario. Don’t go down this route.
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
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