Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
5 Family Law New Year Resolutions
Family Law Assistance
The only alternative to a solicitor.
5 Family Law New Year Resolutions
- Introduction
- Be whiter than white
- Don’t post about your situation on social media
- Keep a diary
- Leave that online support group
- Look after yourself
- Conclusion
Introduction
Solicitors are expensive and even if you’re using the services of someone like us here at Family Law Assistance there is a cost. We alway recommend you take someone with you because no matter how clever, erudite, focused and quick thinking you are the family courts is almost certainly an unfamilar arena to you and no one can think, talk, discuss and take notes at the same time.
Despite all this, there is hope.
Because most of the action in a case takes place outside the court room. Which means you have the time to think, research, plan and prepare without a legal professional watching what you do and listening to what you say.
And there are various habits you can get into to make your life easier, to give the opposition less ammo to use against you and to make sure your job is just that little bit easier when you do walk into the court room.
We’re almost in 2024.
If you are reading this you probably have a case running at the moment or you have one looming. Whether you’re going it alone, using a solicitor or getting the help of someone like me there is lots you can do make things easier – and if you are getting help you’re making their life easier too, meaning they can give you even better assistance.
So without further do, here are 5 Family Law New Year Resolutions you really need to know!
Be whiter than white
Dance like no one is watching…and act like your ex’s solicitor or barrister is watching to use it against you in court. If I could offer only one piece of advice, this would be it.
I’ve seen countless cases where a hastily-uttered word comes back to haunt litigants in court as they are cross-examined closely on what they exactly meant when they described their ex as `a useless sperm donor’ or threatened to smash the windows of someone who won’t let them see the kids. For a solicitor or barrister writing cross-examination questions, this sort of thing is an absolute gift:
You’re handing them ammo against you.
Ammo that can be used again, again and again. It’ll be discussed in position statements. In oral submissions. In witness statements. In cross-examinations questions, judgements and in orders. And once it has been said or done it cannot be unsaid or undone.
So…stay squeaky clean under all circumstances – saying `I was provoked’ will not be accepted.
Don’t post about your situation on social media
The ideal thing to do when you are going through the court cases is to post absolutely nothing about anything at all.
In this ideal world you are radio silent. The less you say, the less there is for a hostile party to comb over what you’re posting in an attempt to use it against you.
That great party you had? A drink in your hand could be used to `prove’ you are an alcohol abuser. How depressed you are? That’ll demonstrate your mental health issues that need investigating. That holiday you went on? When was the last time you spent that sort of money on the kids???
No matter how innocuous your posts are if someone want to use them against you…they will.
It doesn’t matter how careful you are either – ensuring your timeline is locked down and your friends list carefully examined. It is very common for a friend or relative to be sending things to the other party without you realising or for you to have inadvertently accepted a friend request from a fake account.
Keep a diary
Things can move fast in a family law situation. A non molestation and/or occupation order can be made and served without notice – as can an emergency order for children. In the space of 24 hours your world can be turned upside down and you are struggling to remember what day of the week it is, nevermind what happened last month.
So – keep a diary.
An A4 notebook is good. Write the date at the top of the page and what happened. Every time something happened.
It’ll can come in very useful when you need to create paperwork to establish a timeline of what happened. It’ll also give you time to think about what has happened, give you perspective and something to do at a time you feel utterly shellshocked and powerless.
Write what happened, what was said, locations, dates, people, etc.
Leave that online support group
…or at least take everything in it with a large pinch of salt!
Going through this sort of thing is a lonely experience – it’s natural to want to reach out to others who are experiencing similar situation and known how it feels to share what is going on as well as advice to help things along and to enable you to sleep at night.
But be aware.
Many of these groups are populated (and run!) by people who have an axe to grind. People who will tell you:
- It’s so corrupt/biased/useless you should just give up.
- To `fight the system’.
- Bad advice based on a lack of knowledge of the law.
- They fought the system and won.
- To join their organisation to protest.
Most typically, people who get a result they can live with will want to get on with their lives and forget the unpleasant parts of their case as soon as they can, leaving the people who want to help and/or are unhappy with things.
The old saying `misery loves company’ is definitely true!
Look after yourself
See? I told you it had nothing to do with family law, but this one is an absolute winner.
You need a life away from your kids and the situation you find yourself in. The happier you are the better your decision making will be and the better a parent you will be for your children.
Parents who remain together have lives that don’t revolve around them being `Mum’ or `Dad’ (or at least they should!) and you should too.
Enjoy yourself.
Spend time with your friends and family. Exercise – the single best way to combat anxiety, stress and depression. Go for nights out (but don’t post about it on social media, obviously!) Make where you live a good place to be. Cook healthy meals. Read. Get enough sleep.
If you have health issues – mental or otherwise, speak to your doctor. Get them resolved.
You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your children.
Conclusion
You may be shocked how much influence these tips can have on your case. I’m not saying that if you follow all of them you are definitely going to get the result you want. Because there are a large number of factors that come into play. You have no influence at all over some of them – things like the law, what your ex will say or do, the situation you are in, the past and much more.
But these ones?
They’re 100% on you. And even better is the fact that in a time you feel disempowered, weak and ignored you’ll come to realise there is a lot you are in court of throughout the process.
It’s definitely a steep learning curve and you will mess up. But you can do it, if you want!
Happy New Year!
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
Still need some help? Here’s what to do next…
About the author…
[trustindex no-registration=google]