Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
What is reasonable child contact?
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What is reasonable child contact?
- Introduction
- What is the legal definition of `reasonable’?
- What is contact?
- What is typical contact?
- Is `reasonable contact’ in the best interests of YOUR children?
- How do you work out what is in the best interests of your children?
Introduction
It’s a common question. If you’ve been googling this there’s a great chance you’ve not found many answers and probably have more questions after doing so than you started with.
In your defence you probably never thought you’d be trying to work out how you’d be dividing up your child’s time between you and your ex partner because you thought you would be putting them to bed each night – not waving off at a neutral venue or contact centre. It’s not something you read in parenting manuals, nor is it something you thought much about when you first thought about bringing a child intot he world.
You probably thought you could work things out out amicably with your ex (hopefully that is what is happening and you want just a bit of guidance so you can avoid things getting hostile).
With this said…here’s a guide which will give you a few answers.
What is the legal definition of `reasonable’?
In short , there isn’t one.
Read the Children Actyou’ll find the word `reasonable’ throughout. What you won’t find is what the definition of `reasonable’.
Because `reasonable’ is subjective – it’s why solicitors, barristers and people like us are a thing. If matters were black and white they would all be out of business.
You may consider a certain level of contact reasonable. Your ex may disagree and consider something entirely different. If you can’t agree or compromise…mediation can be attempted to find something you can agree on. And then a court (hopefully trying to persuade you).
If not then – the court will decide what `reasonable’ is. You may or may not agree with this decision of course. Which effectively means `reasonable’ is what the court decides – meaning all you have is attempting to convince the court that what you want is `reasonable’.
It’s as simple (or complicated?) as this. This probably doesn’t answer your question – but the next bits may do.
What is contact?
There are different types of contact (although the court doesn’t like to call it `contact’ these days). Many people (including the courts) still do because it’s less of a mouthful than `spends time with’ but they both mean exactly the same thing.
If you are a non-resident parent (the definition of one being a parent where the other one has a residence/lives with order in their favour – although it is also used to mean the `non primary carer’) you’re going to be looking for `contact’ at the least. You may be seeking a change in residence or something else.
There are two kinds of contact. They are:
- Direct contact. This is where the children spend time with you. That may involve time at a contact centre, time at your home or somewhere else or overnights.
- Indirect contact. This is non-physical contact. It can be something as minimal as being permitted to send the children a Christmas card once a year the primary carer is told to read out to them – all the way through to Facetime, phonecalls, etc. whenever the children want.
Remember though – indirect contact counts as `contact’ – even if you feel that’s not the case (and some judges agree with comments like `you can’t hug a child through a computer screen’ being thrown about).
It’s common for contact orders to include both of these depending on what is appropriate for the situation.
What is `typical’ contact?
If you mean `What contact do most parents (usually fathers) end up with’ you may well be told by the court/CAFCASS/your solicitor that every child and every situation is different so it’s the wrong question to ask and you need to focus on what is in the best interests of your child instead.
But there is a `typical’ pattern of contact. It’s `Every other weekend and midweek contact’. The definition of `Every other weekend’ may be anything from a parent collecting a child from school on a Friday and returning them there on a Monday. The definition of `Midweek contact’ and vary from a couple of hours all the way to collecting from school one evening and returning there in the morning.
To a certain extent `normal contact’ is a viscious circle: People (like you!) ask what is `normal contact’ is, they offer this and many believe it’s `fair’. Often CAFCASS will recommend this pattern too – presumably because it’s seen as a safe, normal, fair and uncontroversial outcome regardless of the situation.
When it comes to school holidays things can be more variable – with it varying between them being split down the middle down to an extra day or week when the children are at school.
To complicate matters – ask this question to the special interest group of our choice – father’s rights groups, domestic violence charities or others and you’ll get an answer that is based on their views (without even knowing your children or their situation). The same is true of the Facebook group, etc. or the views of friends and family who may be well meaning but whose views may also be coloured by their own personal experience or views of life.
Father’s rights groups will often argue for a default 50-50 division of time. Domestic violence charities will often state there should be no contact at all.
Remember that while these organisations and groups will contain people who want to help people facing difficult and inequitable situations they also include those who have ideological axes or `fight the good fight’ and may want to recruit you or use your situation to affect change in the legal system.
Stay focused on the best interests of your child. Do not be distracted. Which brings us to the next question…
Is `reasonable contact’ in the best interests of YOUR children?
So with all this in mind, forget the question `What is reasonable contact’ and ask `What contact is in the best interests of your children?’ Forget what everyone says…
What is in the best interests of your child?
When you think about it, it’s a strange question even if it’s understandable. Few parents will ask themselves how much they think seeing their kids is reasonable – because they usually assume they’re going to be there all the time (work allowing) so when a split happens they are going to ask questions like this.
So as parental separation has become more common it’s a more commonly asked question.
Every child is different, as is every parent and every situation. And there views on it all are different too.
This means `every other weekend and midweek contact’ may be insufficient, just right or too much depending on your children (or you – but remember, it’s about the best interests of the children, which may differ from what you want/need).
How do you work out what is in the best interests of the children?
This is another one of those `How long is a piece of string’ questions.
You are your child’s parent regardless of whether you are still with their other parent or not – so what is in their best interests hasn’t changed. You still need to navigate parenting, albeit with an extra dimension of your children not seeing their parents living together.
Which means you and your child’s other parent are the best people to know what your children need and what is in their best interests. If you can’t…a court will be forced to intervene – often making an order you and/or child’s parent doesn’t like, want or agree with.
The good news is that courts will only get involved if at least one of you asks for assistance (or if social services do so) – otherwise it’ll assume you have worked with your ex partner to find an arrangement for your children. This is the same reason the onus is on parents to make an application if they aren’t happy with a situation (which also includes enforcement applications) and courts won’t get involved unless there is a serious concern triggering social services to make an application.
At the end of the day though – this is something only you, your ex partner and ultimately your children will know in years to come.
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
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