Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.
Is it a good idea to call your ex a narcissist in court?
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Narcissist? Is your ex one?
`Narcissist’ is a word that is used a lot these days. It’s used a lot to describe ex-partners and it’s used a lot in the family courts. Google the term and you’re going to find a large number of websites that list the behaviours of one, support groups for surviving them and even coaches who specialise in moving on from their baleful influence.
It helps make sense of a situation or relationship for many people. We’re not going to discourage that.
But in a court arena you need to be careful in using this word.
When to call someone a narcissist in court
There’s an easy way to work out when it’s right to bring this sort of thing up in a hearing. If you can absolutely say, hand on heart, that the following are true you need to mention it:
- The person in question has a formal diagnosis of narcissism.
- Their behaviour is impacting the child.
- It’s impacting the parenting of your child.
If you are unable to say `yes’ to both of these questions….we’d strongly recomment you don’t use this word for two reasons.
The first one is the court will only accept a formal diagnosis from a single joint expert appointed by the court. If they have a formal diagnosis by a qualified expert who wasn’t appointed by the court it’s worth raising this (if you feel it is relevant) so the paperwork can be looked at and possibly a single joint expert appointed.
The second reason is the usual one….the court is only concerned with the best interests of the child. In theory a diagnosed narcissist could act in the best interests of a child. People shouldn’t be punished for just having a mental condition, right?
My ex is a narcissist. What do I do?
The child proceedings exist to determine the best interests of the child. Not to stick a label on your ex (who may or may not be a narcissist). The same is true of labelling someone as a parental alienator incidentally.
And when we view the whole thing through this lens the answer to the question at the head of this paragraph is obvious. Namely – detail how the incidents of behaviour (which will of course includes elements consistent with narcissism) are impacting your child. How it has impacted your decision and using the powers available to the court (and other aspects of the Welfare Checklist) what options are open to make an order, whatever in the best interests of your child.
Chances are if you’re documenting behaviour and incidents correctly and accurately a clued-up court may come to the conclusion you already have and order the report that’ll say what you fervently believe is true. But as always….this only matters if it’s the only option to serve your children. But go in all guns blazing, call your ex a narcissist the court may simply see a parent trying to stick a label on their ex…
This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
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