Representing Yourself in Family Court: How to Take Control and Do It Well

Steven Wade is a family law advisor (McKenzie Friend) with nearly 20 years of experience helping people represent themselves in court. Having been through the system personally and supported thousands of others since, he knows what it’s like to face the stress, confusion, and pressure of doing it alone. This blog shares practical insights that empower you to take control of your case — without the legal jargon or the hefty solicitor’s bill.

Representing Yourself in Family Court: How to Take Control and Do It Well

1. 1. 1. Introduction
      2. Why Represent Yourself? (Part 1)
      3. Why Represent Yourself? (Part 2)
      4. But…keep it relevant!
      5. Be organised when representing yourself.
      6. Language is important when representing yourself!
      7. Planning: The Make or Break Factor
      8. Assemble your Squad
      9. The Arm Around your Shoulder

Introduction

When people say they’re going to represent themselves, they’ll hear 101 reasons why it’s a bad idea — I know, because I was one of them.

I chose to represent myself after not liking what I saw and heard from the solicitor I went to at the start of my family court journey way back when.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some excellent solicitors out there. I could cheerfully recommend a dozen of them (and several barristers too) who I’d trust with my case if I ever decided I needed someone else to represent me. That said, as I’m a firm advocate (did you see what I did there?) of litigants in person doing it themselves so it’d be weird if I ever decided to go down that particular rabbit hole.

You’ve got a legal right to represent yourself too. HMCTS (His Majesty’s Court and Tribunal Service) offer advice to anyone doing this – people known as `litigants in person’ in the trade too.

This blog post is for anyone who is thinking of doing this. It’s not for everyone, but in the near two decades I’ve helped people do that my experience shows me that around 80% of the people I speak to can do a great job of acting as a litigant in person, despite what many people say.

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Why Represent Yourself? (Part 1)

Speak to enough legal professionals and you’ll be told you absolutely, positively need a solicitor and you shouldn’t represent yourself. They’ll often quote something that Abraham Lincoln (allegedly) said:

A man who represents himself has a fool for a client

Insulting much? You better believe it! But don’t be too offended – because the law, like every other field can take a long time to master properly. And in such a high stakes situation involving your children or finance you really don’t want to take avoidable risks. Even more so if it’s a criminal case and your liberty is at stake.

Over the years though, it’s a little eye-opening to hear why solicitors think people represent themselves too.

Only last week, after I had assisted a litigant in a family law matter, I was told by a barrister after the hearing that it was a shame my client didn’t have a solicitor. The fact my client was entirely happy with the outcome, felt empowered by speaking for himself in court and had paid a fraction of the cost of legal representation had passed the barrister by completely. When I was told that, I said nothing. It’s something I’ve heard repeatedly over the years despite the proven track record we have.

Many people (legal professionals included) think the only reasons someone ever represents themselves is lack of money. Although that said, I’ve also been told that everyone can afford a solicitor…they just choose not to. Both these statements have left me either open-mouthed or quietly chuckling to myself. Or both. And don’t get me started on the belief among legal professionals that £53,000 for a court case isn’t `disproportionate’.

Don’t get me wrong. Some people use a McKenzie Friend because of cost.

But the number doing that is almost certainly less than you’d think. Many of our clients can afford a solicitor…but simply don’t want one. Or they’re entitled to legal aid and have ditched their free solicitor because they’ve been shocked by the slow response time and poor work.

It is estimated that between 50% and 80% represent themselves in family and civil court. The “traditional” route of always using a solicitor is a thing of the past. Family law isn’t the hallowed profession it once was. We can probably thank Google and social media for this. It seems that your average person who is going through a divorce or fighting to see their children are not giving the gravitas that family law solicitors may (or may not) deserve.

This is even borne out by something said by former President of the Family Division, Sir James Munby who said at a Families Need Fathers (now Both Parents Matter) conference a decade ago.

The legal profession needs to accept the family courts are becoming a `lawyer free’ zone.

Despite this and many years later, many legal professionals continue to push back on this, seemingly unable to see the wood for the trees.

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Why Represent Yourself? (Part 2)?

OK – we’ve touched on why people represent themselves. There’s an absolutely key reason why it happens.

That’s because no one knows your case quite like you do: You have more power than you think you do when you represent yourself.  You ARE the case and know who, what, why and how immediately. Plus you know your ex. And you most certainly know your children. Nobody knows your case like you do.  This advantage is KEY! It can help you plan a strategy moving forwards. Knowledge is power. It is in YOUR power to really highlight your case. By simply acknowledging this it changes the narrative and the trajectory of how your case will run moving forwards.

While your solicitor – if they’ve read your paperwork – are rooting through your file or the bundle trying to find some key info, chances are you know it all straight away. It’s not their kids. It’s not their finances. They have a huge number of clients and I’m telling you – they’re going to blur into one after a while.

You however? You’re a single-minded respository of everything in your case. You know the facts, the background, the nuance. And besides…no one cares about it as much as you do, no matter how diligent and dedicated a solicitor may be.

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But…keep it relevant!

This superpower can be your downfall however.

We get it. With all of that info (and Lord, we know there is A LOT) the human instinct is to give the lot to the judge and let him wade through it all. In reality that means literally the kitchen sink, War and Peace, chapter and verse. That newspaper clip that you once identified with? No the court does NOT need to see that. Keep your Tesco carrier bag of life out of it. Pro tip – By keeping things relevant you will make it easy for the court to read. If the court can read it they are more likely to take notice of you. If they take notice of you, you’re more likely to get what you want.

This is often where a good McKenzie Friend comes in: Someone who will try to pry that useless 500 pages you absolutely, completely need the judge to see to be able to make a decision about your case. Someone who will be a bit more neutral and focused about it all.

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Be organised when representing yourself.

Yep, I will just get my court order from out of the bread bin!

I thought my client was joking when she said that. She was not. Seriously

Turns out that all of her court documents were in the bread bin. The court order that eventually turned up was torn and coffee-stained.  Do yourself a favour. Get yourself a lever arch folder and put all of your documents in there chronologically. For the more tech savvy amongst you get yourself some cloud storage and upload your docs as a PDF in date order. This will save you a lot of time for when you need to put together a statement, a bundle or a chronology. Tidy paper. Tidy mind. Simply by being organised you will also come across more focussed and sharper.

This, in turn, will advance your case like no other, trust me on this.

If we’re helping you we have an all-singing, all-dancing piece of software used by legal professionals to organise and store documents as you send them to us so we don’t lose a single thing. Oh…and don’t scrawl anything on the documents either. Particularly swear words. It tends to go down very badly in court, if the judge sees that!

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Language is important when representing yourself!

This is not an episode of Suits or Rumpole of the Bailey for the more seniors amongst us.

That said, using words like `hereinafter’ and phrases like `notwithstanding the foregoing’ and `be it known that’ will more likely raise a wry smile from a judge rather than a sage legalistic nod.

When you’re representing yourself you have the advantage of the judge getting to know you, your children.

The thing is…you were once in a meaningful relationship with your ex. I suspect at no point during your relationship did you refer to your ex partner as “The Respondent”. Refer to your ex by their name.  You don’t need to write statements with Latin maxims or refer to yourself in the third person. Stick to facts, rather than opinion. If you can’t tell which is which, get a sanity check. Remember who you’re writing your statement for.  Remember WHY you’re writing a statement. Keep your language neutral, relevant and factual. If it isn’t relevant to the case, the law or anything else – ditch it. Don’t bury what the court needs to hear in a sea of irrelevance. Do that and you’re damaging your own case.

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Planning: The Make or Break Factor

Fun fact: 95% of all the work in a court case is done OUTSIDE of the court room.

Forget what that slick American legal drama has taught you – I move to strike that motion (or something…!)

In fact…a lot of work is done outside the court building, never mind the court room. It’s in the prep. Going through the paperwork. Picking out points. Finding inconsistencies and contradictions. Putting together documents that make it as easy as possible for the court to make a decision. Proposing solutions that seem the most logical, fairest and easiest. It’s seldom about esoteric piece of case law or `gotcha’ moments on the stand in a trial. It happens…but less often than you probably think.

This is regardless if you’re using a solicitor or representing yourself (I know, Hollywood has A LOT to answer for!). The last 5% is at court and you really are (to a greater or lesser extent) in the lap of the gods. That means that the majority of what needs to be achieved is in your power before your day in court.

I often call what we do “The 4th Emergency Service”. You may have known about that hearing for the last 3 months but you’ve stuck your head in the sand, procrastinated and now uttering a string of expletives as the hearing looms closer. And of course you’ve done nothing! This often involves a last minute panicked call to us (don’t do that – book an Ask Me Anything meeting now, eh?)

It reminds me of when I would revise for my GCSE’s: I had to make sure I had my “special pen”, that all my pencils needing sharpening, an elaborate timetable needed constructing, my room had to be `just so’ before I could even think of revising!  Get on it. Start planning. Now.

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Assemble your Squad

The road is possibly going to be long, hard and lonely.

So find the right people to help you through this and you are representing yourself. Spoiler alert: friends and family won’t always be the best people to help you achieve your goals. They act in your best interests, sure, but they will have an opinion . That opinion isn’t always helpful. They may even say you really, really need a solicitor. Probably because it’s the `proper’ way of doing things and you’d be a fool to represent yourself (see above!) They probably haven’t read this article though…or paid a solicitor’s fees. But they may come around if they do either – send them a link to this!

They may not know what it’s like. You will need someone who relates to what you’re going through. Join a group of people going through this situation. You’re not alone here! It’s surprising how many people in these groups ask the newbie “Did you date my ex?”

Finally, get someone to help you represent yourself. Obviously, I am going to say that you need us to help guide you through this journey.  Our Ask Me Anything Call will give you a plan – a 45-minute session where we map out your next legal steps — just £125 + VAT. We’ll be your cheering squad, your pace partner, the quiet voice in your ear, your assistant, with you every step of the way.

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The Arm Around your Shoulder

We really have been there, seen it and got the court order.

We could lip sync to what your ex will do and say next. And their solicitor. We know what works and what doesn’t. We’ll tell you when you need to submit a C100, a FL401 or a D8 form in plain English, with no drama.

Since the global pandemic people’s livelihoods have been hit hard too. This has put pressure on relationships and bank accounts like never before. And while cost isn’t the only factor it’s one of them. No one wants to run out of funding while their case is in full flow.

There IS another way. We have helped thousands of people sort their divorce, child and finance issues out over the last 15 plus years. People and planning are our speciality. Speak to us. We’ve got you — and your case

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This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

Updated 11th June 2025

This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

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