No one cares about your character references!

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Your confidence is destroyed

I get it, I was the same and I did the same.

Staring down the barrel of a CAFCASS Report that blackens your character and criticises you as a parent ain’t nice. You may well be seeing yourself character assassinated on social media too. If you’ve got depression it’s even worse. At points in my situation I wondered if I were so messed up that not only was I an awful person, but I didn’t even have the insight to understand that:

Was I that messed up?

My family wanted to help of course. My mum was wounded terribly by it all and some of the stuff that happened. My friends wanted to help too. They were more than happy to write a character reference for me. My value as a father was often questioned, along with the necessity of fathers at all.

But…they didn’t help. And the more I thought about it, the more that made sense.

NB – if you’re looking for info on position statements, here’s a good place to start.

All round good guy

In my case, the character references I submitted weren’t read, nor mentioned. In all the years I’ve helped anyone else…that’s also the case.

Sometimes a judge WILL mention them – saying stuff like `Did this person witness the allegation you’re making?’ but that’s about it.

As I say…most of the time they’re ignored.

For a very simple reason: Because your mum, your best mate and your favourite aunt are hardly likely to say horrible things about you.

And an even simpler reason: Even if they did (it happens!), there’s no way you’re going to be showing the judge a document that describes you in a less-than-flattering light.

So that means…they’re almost always a waste of time.

Wood for the trees

So in short…they don’t help. At best, you’re probably wasting time and effort entertaining them. At worst you’re burying the really relevant stuff in your paperwork among dozens of documents that do bolster your case. If you’re REALLY unlucky the other side’s bulldog of a solicitor/barrister may pick the well-meaning character statement apat and ask if they can be brought to the court hearing to be asked questions they’d rather not answer (although this is most unlikely…court time is short and precious!)

You’re probably bored with me saying this…but whether you’re using a solicitor or being helped by us or a member of our team…it’s all about focus, being clear about your goals and determination.

Good luck and you know where we are if you need our help!

About the author…

Steven Wadehttps://familylawassistance.co.uk/our-founders/

Steven Wade is the founder of Family Law Assistance, a team of McKenzie Friends supporting litigants in person through the family court system in England and Wales. With nearly two decades of experience in family law starting in 2006., Steven has guided hundreds of clients through proceedings involving child arrangements, parental alienation, financial disputes, and non-molestation orders as well as finance and divorce matters. He's run branches of Fathers Need Fathers in England and Wales (now Both Parents Matter), hosted workshops for separated parents, trained McKenzie Friends to assist litigants in the family and travels around the country to assist men and women in and out of court. Steven regularly produces content to demystify legal processes both in blog posts on this site and also on Tiktok and is known for his empathetic, practical advice. He has delivered training and support to parents and support workers dealing with the route through the family court.